Ups and Downs

Yesterday was a great day.  I struggled with being tired, but I made it through that pretty well.  I exercised, canned grape juice, got all the laundry washed, taught a history lesson and project, read for the ward book club, got dinner in the oven on time, did school with Daisy, did FHE, and dealt with all of the usual toddler issues which currently include undressing, removing diapers, 5 outfits a day, etc. 
By the end of the day, I was exhausted, but I felt good.  Days like that very rarely come in pairs for me. 
I knew that the one thing that wasn't so good was my temper. 
I'm super reactive pregnant woman right now.  I seriously feel like I have no control over what comes out of my mouth.  I had made a resolution yesterday morning to do better, and I think I did a little better, but I still lost it too many times. 

Since those "on top of it" days rarely come in pairs, I was gearing up for a rather rotten day today.  I know that sounds pessimistic, but it is just too true in my life. 
I was trying to gear up in a positive way and be prepared rather than "expecting the worst." 
And I wanted to do better with my reactions.  I just wanted to be nice. 
Well, I certainly had plenty of chances to practice....
Despite my preparation and early morning resolution, I don't think I did such a shiny job.
In my defense, It was a rather challenging day. 

The tantrums started earlier than usual and lasted all day.  There just wasn't much of a break. 
I'm trying so hard to help my 3 year old manage his noise level, and the steps I have to take are so exhausting.  My baby girl wants to be potty trained so badly, but she just doesn't get it.  She will wear her panties that she loves so very much and practice pulling them down and sitting on the potty over and over for an hour.  Then she'll stand up from the potty and pee on the floor.  And she pulls her clothes out and changes them to the point that I have no idea what is dirty and what is clean.  And she's cranky cause she doesn't want to stop practicing her new skills long enough to eat! 
So when she walked into the kitchen diaperless, I was about to calmly tell her that it is Mommy's job to take her diaper off.  When she said "poop" and turned around, the words changed as they were coming out of my mouth in a loud scary voice. 
And there were just so many of these little times where I could have exhibited some love and control yet I didn't. 

I want to be able to be nice even though.
I know I have ample excuses for being mean.  Hormones, fatigue, responsibility of my kids' education, horrible nausea that still rears its ugly head now and then.
But I want to rise above it.  I really do. 
So I guess I'll need more days with lots of chances to practice. 
Sigh.

So glad I have days like yesterday to buoy me up while I battle the storms of motherhood.