November Pictures

Simon's adorable drawing.  He's having a dream about Daisy.  See how she's up there in a bubble?  So cute!

For Co-op the kids made dolls to send to Africa.  They turned out so cute!

Our Wonderful co-op choir.

Mikey.  We like him.

Christmas time is here!

Thank You!

Thank you for caring and wondering and thinking about me this week!  I feel so loved and supported by the comments and phone calls I have receieved.  I am so blessed! 

Today has been better, though it might just be because I got to do some Christmas shopping today, and I LOVE Christmas!  Coming home to the girls telling me they have no  homework was also a plus.  Dallin getting home early was a big plus.  I feel like there is hope for us to have some enjoyable family time after all!  The kids just tied a bunch of animals to our wooden train to make a big sleigh and flew it through the house.  Simon and Sarajoy are in heaven to have their playmates back.  Sarajoy stood by the window calling for Ruby and Daisy for 15 minutes today.  I finally had to offer her some chocolate chips to distract her.  She was not happy about the news that they were at school. 

I've gotten some ideas about supplements to try to help me with my pregnancy woes, so hopefully that will help me be a little more productive and less restless.

I also felt inspired to include some more personal details about our decision to put the kids in public school.  I wrote them in answer to a previous comment, but felt I should include them here after I sent the response. 

I am learning that what I believe in as a parent is to follow the Spirit. How many times have I learned about this or that philosophy/method, etc. only to have the Spirit guide me another way? Many. Even the ones I felt the Spirit guiding me to in the first place. Often it is a lesson in humility. Often I need to be reminded what the ultimate "right" really is. I have said before that the only reason I would stop home schooling is if the Lord told me not to, but I never really believed He would. How would that ever be the "right" thing?

We were not praying about whether our kids should go to school or not. Though the thought often crosses my mind, I didn't really consider it an option. It always made more sense to keep them home.

We've been concerned about our relationship with our oldest for several months. A comment he made to his friends left me with a very heavy feeling. I couldn't shake the feeling all day that something was wrong . When I really got down to thinking about it, I couldn't stop. I was awake for hours that night, and thought about it all day the next day while I waited for my husband to get home.

I was pretty horrified at the conclusion I had come to by the end of all of that thinking. It wasn't until my husband explained that he had set a goal (days? weeks?) beforeto pray for 30 minutes a day about our kids that I started to feel peace, like it really was an answer. He felt that way the whole time I was talking to him.

It settled in on me that our family needed this experience. That is the only "why" I have so far. I can think of possibilities, but we'll see how it plays out.  The favorite one that has been suggested to me is that there might be people out there who need my kids.  I think that is such a lovely thought. 

I still feel like my mind and heart want them home. It makes so much more sense, it is our lifestyle.
But I cannot doubt that it is right, and so we'll make the best of it. It is hard to not know how temporary or permanent of a change it is, but that is a part of going forward with faith.

The First Day of Public School

How was it?
 Well, for awhile I was thinking maybe I liked it a little too much, but I did discover some difficulties.

Last night, the kids each got a blessing from Dallin.  We had a neat discussion about some of the important things we want them to remember.  It was a nice, spiritual, emotional evening.  Mostly I was the one being emotional.  I had a good cry before bed and pretty much got it out of my system.

Side note: I did not sleep well.  It has been a problem lately, especially if I have anything on my mind or if I know I need to get up early for something. 
I have a sort of restless leg thing going on, but it is more like a restless whole body plus itching thing.  It happens anytime I hold still for more than about 5 minutes.  Yeah, church was fun on Sunday. 
For some reason when I rest during the day, it is so much easier to fall asleep.  But if I have to hold still and not sleep, I pretty much want to go crazy.

Anyway, we all got up and had our scriptures and prayers and breakfast.  The kids all got their jobs done on time without having to get up too much earlier.  Nathan has to get up at 6, though, because his bus leaves at about 7:10.  I also got up at 6 for some quiet study time before I had to start breakfast. 
I kept myself busy doing laundry while everyone got ready.  I was sad to hear the front door close and realize that Nathan had gone without saying goodbye.  He was so restless and nervous that he probably just forgot.  The other 3 left eagerly at 8:30 (though I insisted on hugs and kisses) to meet their friends at the bus stop across the street. 

The next several hours were quite lovely.  I got the little ones dressed and continued to work on laundry while they got Buzz Lightyear dressups on and watched a Christmas movie.  At one point I noticed Sarajoy was not watching the movie, and I got a little concerned because she's made a couple of naughty messes in the past few days.  By the time I put down what I was doing, I noticed her on the stairs with her baby dolls.  She was making beds for them on the steps. 
I decided to see if I could get some rest while they were happily occupied.  I read a little of the Ensign and started The Mansion.  A little while later, I was awakened by Sarajoy with her blankie and pacifiers.  She climbed right up and fell asleep beside me.  Later, Simon climbed up with a book and asked me to read to him.  What a nice, cozy time we had!

We had Simon's favorite lunch: PB&J.  Simple and easy.  We sat and read a big pile of library books together after lunch.  They helped me clean up the Autumn decor so we could start getting Christmas out.  We put up our little tree before Thanksgiving, but that was all I wanted to do last week.  Today I got out the toys we keep under the tree:  An old-fashioned wooden engine, a homemade teddy bear with Christmas jammies, A dog puppet that barks Christmas songs, a Nativity puzzle, lots of Christmas stories, a little wooden rocking  horse, and a few other little toys.  We had plenty of fun playing with those for awhile.  I decided to get the toy Nativities out so the little kids could have time to play with them before the bigger kids got home.  Sarajoy was in heaven with all of those little "baby dze-dze" toys.  We made some felt straw for our little cradle and some white blankies so she could have a baby Jesus doll.  She has carried it around all day. 

Suddenly, it was 2:00.  I knew I wanted to have the house clean and a snack ready when the kids got home.  I put the little ones down for quiet time and got to work.  I wanted to have the kitchen clean so we wouldn't have to spend time on it after dinner.  It is a big job to do alone!  How long has it been since I've had to sweep and mop.  I'm spoiled, I know!  Nathan got home just after 3:00, but stayed outside with a huge crowd of kids.  I let it go for today, but I told him from now on, I get him at 3:15!  He told me about his day while he ate muffins and I finished mopping the floor. 
Simon and Sarajoy were so excited for the other kids to get home.  Everyone got big hugs and I heard 3 more stories of a great day. 

Then I started to feel the results of working so hard and fast in the kitchen.  I was exhausted and achy.  And the kids got their homework folders out. 
Seriously?
I knew about homework, but the reality of having your little kids gone until 4pm and then having them come home and do homework is pretty ridiculous. 
Daisy, the 1st grader had the most.  Of course. 
So when is she supposed to play?  Really, that is a pretty important part of childhood. 
Simon and Sarajoy were tired and hungry and ready for some attention from siblings. 
I was trying to split my attention between 4 different homework assignments and keep dinner from burning and Dallin was late and I was completely and utterly spent. 

They finished.  He got home.  We ate.  I was grouchy.  He left again briefly on a Scout errand.
Gotta love Scouts.

Dinner clean-up WAS quick, so maybe that was worth it. 

For FHE we read our "Thankful Chain" that we've been working on for 7 or 8 years.  Everyone was so tired.  The little ones were wired and climbing all over the place.  I finally asked Dallin to get down on the floor and wrestle with them while I finished reading. 

After prayer, Dallin rushed the little ones up to bed.  It was already after 8pm.  Nobody complained that we didn't have an activity or a treat. 

I got a phone call about some free bread.  There is a breadmaker in our ward who occasionally has surplus.  I brought home 25 loaves for my freezer.  How glad I am that I won't have to make bread this month!  

When I got home, the littles were asleep, and the big kids were sitting around the table telling Dallin about their day.  I joined in with some public school memories.  It was nice.  We called it a day and they went to bed. 

How did it go? 
Ask me in a week or two.  I still don't feel like I know what it is "really" like.
Right now I just want to go to sleep.

What???

I thought I had already made my big announcement for the year.  The one that makes everyone gasp.

And we've been having such a great year. 
So I don't really know why this is happening. 
I've spent the past 4 days thinking, crying, wondering, planning.
I keep thinking I'll wake up and find it was all just a strange dream. 
There are times when I feel like a part of me is dying or like my whole world is changing.

When you've put your heart and soul and time and money into something for 7 years, it is hard to accept inspiration that takes your family in a new direction.  Even when you know it is right.

I don't really know why except that Dallin and I both feel like it is the right thing for our family right now.
Maybe the Lord is preparing us for something that is coming.
Maybe my little ones need the time with Mommy before the baby comes.
Maybe my older kids need to understand what they feel like they're missing out on.
Maybe the whole family needs to have the experience so we really know what we're choosing between.

It still just doesn't seem like it can possibly be real.  I dreaded today of all days because I had to tell my wonderful co-op friends what is going on.  Now that that ordeal is over, I think I can let the peace settle in. 
I think I'll be able to sleep tonight.  I think I'll be able to allow myself to be excited about the adventure.
Relieved that I don't have to compete with "Disneyland" anymore. 
They don't know what they're missing, so they think it must be something pretty wonderful. 
Maybe it will be.  I don't even really know. 

Maybe the reality will finally sink in on Monday, November 28th when I watch them board the school bus for the first time, ever.
I can hardly wait to sit in my front room window with Simon and Sarajoy and watch for that bus to bring them back home to us.

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