The next day a woman from the ward brought a homemade fried chicken dinner that I had won at a service auction.
It was unreasonable--unrighteous, even, to think that I could ever be alone or uncared for. But God in his tender, gentle way send several reminders that he is in the details, He knows, He will not leave me comfortless, He will come to me. How grateful I am for the people who choose to be His hands so I can have miracles in my life.
I had a very vivid dream about a woman in our neighborhood. I have spoken to her several times, but always felt like I said the wrong thing. I was honestly a bit intimidated and uncomfortable because I didn't know how to relate to her. In the dream we were close friends. We were having a barbecue and having such a wonderful time together. I awoke feeling a little nervous about what that meant. I knew I should at least try to contact her, but I was really nervous. She was a pretty private person and I didn't have her number. I had tried to invite her to join the homeschool group, but the invite was turned down. I wasn't sure I even had her correct email. As I was wondering how God wanted me to proceed, the picture came to my mind of me walking by her house and of her coming out to talk to me.
So I courageously and very nervously set out on a walk. A different route than I have ever taken. I never know where things will lead when I think I'm following a prompting from the Spirit. Sometimes things are completely unexpected. It was much too early to knock on the door. I walked up her long, steep street and around the Cul-de-sac. Nothing. I walked very slowly around the cul-de-sac, giving the miracle as much time to happen as possible. Nothing. Oh well, at least I obeyed, I thought. I might have been a little relieved, honestly. But just as I headed back down the street, just at the moment that her front door would have left my view, she came out of her house! I turned around and greeted her. She seemed genuinely happy to see me. She was excited to come to the homeschool park day. I walked that route a few other mornings and had a chance for a quick greeting as she took her older children to school. We've had some wonderful discussions. She is my friend now. I have learned some important things from her. Amazing.
We've Given Up the Easy Life for the Good Life
Friday, February 12, 2016
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Someone Was Listening
It was a hard day. I woke with a headache and allergy symptoms. Probably due to temperature inversion.
It was a hard day. Hard to not feel like a homeschooling failure. These kids don't love learning, they can't stay focused for 10 seconds, I can't be right next to each person overseeing every last thing they write, every last double digit subtraction problem. Can't just do ONE on your own? No, I turn my back to help someone else and the page is full of scribbles.
It was a hard day. I just wanted to crawl back into bed from the moment I woke up. It was hard to stay awake while I drove Brandon to math. I crawled into the back of the van to try to sleep in the cold emptiness. Sleep wouldn't come. Too many noises. Too much cold. Too much to think about.
It was a hard day. Finally at home, I lie in bed. Not to sleep, mind you. The kids need me. They bring their school books and I become the desk while my last hope for a quick nap ticks away. It is time to start dinner, now. The ultimate punishment for a hard day. Do I have to do dinner? Wouldn't it be great if someone else could just do dinner?
It was a hard day, but Someone knew. Someone listened. The phone rang. The next door neighbor's voice. "What do you need help with?" It was a lot to ask. She wasn't expecting me to ask for dinner, but she pulled together the most amazing stew. Blessed Angel. Thank you for listening to that little voice who told you to call me. Thank you for being willing to make dinner for my giant family because I needed it.
It was a hard day softened by a neighbor's love, warm soup, an afternoon nap, a book, AHHHHH.
I'm so grateful to know that Someone is aware of me and that there at people in this world who are willing to listen to His voice.
...
It was a hard day. Hard to not feel like a homeschooling failure. These kids don't love learning, they can't stay focused for 10 seconds, I can't be right next to each person overseeing every last thing they write, every last double digit subtraction problem. Can't just do ONE on your own? No, I turn my back to help someone else and the page is full of scribbles.
It was a hard day. I just wanted to crawl back into bed from the moment I woke up. It was hard to stay awake while I drove Brandon to math. I crawled into the back of the van to try to sleep in the cold emptiness. Sleep wouldn't come. Too many noises. Too much cold. Too much to think about.
It was a hard day. Finally at home, I lie in bed. Not to sleep, mind you. The kids need me. They bring their school books and I become the desk while my last hope for a quick nap ticks away. It is time to start dinner, now. The ultimate punishment for a hard day. Do I have to do dinner? Wouldn't it be great if someone else could just do dinner?
It was a hard day, but Someone knew. Someone listened. The phone rang. The next door neighbor's voice. "What do you need help with?" It was a lot to ask. She wasn't expecting me to ask for dinner, but she pulled together the most amazing stew. Blessed Angel. Thank you for listening to that little voice who told you to call me. Thank you for being willing to make dinner for my giant family because I needed it.
It was a hard day softened by a neighbor's love, warm soup, an afternoon nap, a book, AHHHHH.
I'm so grateful to know that Someone is aware of me and that there at people in this world who are willing to listen to His voice.
...
Monday, February 8, 2016
A Royal Visitor
I should have known better than to send Dallin off on a campout without any misgivings. Stuff ALWAYS happens when he's gone. It's the time where I'm always stretched to the breaking point and then someone throws up or a pipe bursts or a car breaks down or something that reminds me how much I depend on him and leaves me feeling like he's never there when I really need him.
But for some reason I wasn't that worried. I have learned to cope with his frequent weekenders with the Boy Scouts by making the time "me" time. I give myself a night off of dinner making and have the kids fend for themselves with toast or cereal or whatever they can fix. I give myself permission to read or write or watch movies I like.
My only concern was that with Corban's terrible and unpredictable sleeping patterns I had gotten used to waking at 8 or 9am. He tended to get his longest stretch of sleep during those morning hours. On that Friday night, I was a little concerned about getting up early enough to have Ruby to her drop off point by 7am so she could go to a tournament. I knew it would be tricky getting up that early and making myself go out in the cold, but I could tough it out.
I proceeded to have one of the worst nights I have ever had. Corban started out waking every half hour. That set of my adrenal system so that every sound I heard would wake me in a heart-racing panic. It got to the point where even if Corban was sleeping, I was unable to. Then the anxiety would build because I was worried about being too tired to drive Ruby and I felt trapped in a vicious cycle. And I was completely alone and scared about my heart and scared about my mental state. It got to the point where the baby was no longer interested in nursing. I'd get him settled just so, only to have him wake a few minutes later. He was frustrated about being alone in his crib, but he was even more frustrated being close to me in my bed. By 5am I had hardly slept at all, and I was beside myself with anxiety and sleep deprivation. I had to put him in his little crib in his little room where he proceeded to scream with all of his might.
I was crying out in my mind for help, for someone to come rescue me from the nightmare. I was not emotionally strong enough to call any neighbors that early in the morning for help, even though I can hardly think of a time where I needed help more. This was completely unreasonable as I have any number of friends who would have come to my rescue, but reason had all but left me hours ago. I felt so alone and frustrated that it seemed that at my most desperate moments I never had anyone to help me. As I prayed and plead, the idea was whispered to my heart to turn on the light. That always helps, and it did.
"Call Dallin." Yeah, right! I thought (in my loudest thinking voice). He NEVER answers his phone on campouts. Even if he has service, he never hears his phone and usually turns it off at night.
But I had to try something, and if he didn't answer it would add some ammunition to my pity-party. Small comforts.
But he answered. Truly, a miracle. Somewhere to land my crazed, desperate thoughts. Someone to share the burden and at least know how bad it was. Someone to help me calm down a bit.
It calmed me enough that after a prayer of gratitude for Dallin and of help to carry on I was able to get the baby from the bed and rock him to sleep. It was 6:00am. My alarm was set for 6:15 to wake Ruby. I decided to go for whatever sleep I could get. I fell immediately to sleep and my alarm immediately went off.
I got up and woke Ruby and was wondering and worrying about leaving all of the kids asleep. I would have to wake Daisy and tell her to listen for Corban. I know she would be worried, but I was not about to wake him up and take him out in the cold. Then my alarm went off again, and I woke and realized that the bit about waking Ruby and worrying had all been a dream. I got up and woke Ruby (for real) and told her to get up and wake me when she was ready to go. I promptly fell asleep, and all-too-soon my alarm went off. I got up and woke Ruby and went downstairs to get some breakfast. Suddenly, a knock at the door revealed my Uncle Royal, looking dashing in his 1940's traveling attire and carrying a big old-fashioned suitcase. I showed him to the guest room and went upstairs to wake Daisy. I told her that I was leaving to take Ruby. "If Corban wakes up, just lie in my bed next to him. Don't worry. If he is too much to handle, Uncle Royal is here and he can hold him for you."
"Mom"...
My eyes flew open. It was Ruby. Another dream.
But I did go tell Daisy to lie down by my Corban Royal if he woke. And I certainly felt calmer about leaving, knowing he was in good hands.
I like to think there is a special connection there, between Royal and his namesake, Corban Royal. Maybe he was the one assigned to bring relief when I petitioned the heavens to send someone.
I wasn't expecting my long-suffering, good natured uncle Royal who died when I was in high school, but I'm grateful for the dream of him that brought me some peace and comfort. I do believe that however it works, our loved ones on the other side of the veil are aiding us and cheering us on.
And I'm grateful that I can trust God to send the best kind of help when I'm in need.
...
But for some reason I wasn't that worried. I have learned to cope with his frequent weekenders with the Boy Scouts by making the time "me" time. I give myself a night off of dinner making and have the kids fend for themselves with toast or cereal or whatever they can fix. I give myself permission to read or write or watch movies I like.
My only concern was that with Corban's terrible and unpredictable sleeping patterns I had gotten used to waking at 8 or 9am. He tended to get his longest stretch of sleep during those morning hours. On that Friday night, I was a little concerned about getting up early enough to have Ruby to her drop off point by 7am so she could go to a tournament. I knew it would be tricky getting up that early and making myself go out in the cold, but I could tough it out.
I proceeded to have one of the worst nights I have ever had. Corban started out waking every half hour. That set of my adrenal system so that every sound I heard would wake me in a heart-racing panic. It got to the point where even if Corban was sleeping, I was unable to. Then the anxiety would build because I was worried about being too tired to drive Ruby and I felt trapped in a vicious cycle. And I was completely alone and scared about my heart and scared about my mental state. It got to the point where the baby was no longer interested in nursing. I'd get him settled just so, only to have him wake a few minutes later. He was frustrated about being alone in his crib, but he was even more frustrated being close to me in my bed. By 5am I had hardly slept at all, and I was beside myself with anxiety and sleep deprivation. I had to put him in his little crib in his little room where he proceeded to scream with all of his might.
I was crying out in my mind for help, for someone to come rescue me from the nightmare. I was not emotionally strong enough to call any neighbors that early in the morning for help, even though I can hardly think of a time where I needed help more. This was completely unreasonable as I have any number of friends who would have come to my rescue, but reason had all but left me hours ago. I felt so alone and frustrated that it seemed that at my most desperate moments I never had anyone to help me. As I prayed and plead, the idea was whispered to my heart to turn on the light. That always helps, and it did.
"Call Dallin." Yeah, right! I thought (in my loudest thinking voice). He NEVER answers his phone on campouts. Even if he has service, he never hears his phone and usually turns it off at night.
But I had to try something, and if he didn't answer it would add some ammunition to my pity-party. Small comforts.
But he answered. Truly, a miracle. Somewhere to land my crazed, desperate thoughts. Someone to share the burden and at least know how bad it was. Someone to help me calm down a bit.
It calmed me enough that after a prayer of gratitude for Dallin and of help to carry on I was able to get the baby from the bed and rock him to sleep. It was 6:00am. My alarm was set for 6:15 to wake Ruby. I decided to go for whatever sleep I could get. I fell immediately to sleep and my alarm immediately went off.
I got up and woke Ruby and was wondering and worrying about leaving all of the kids asleep. I would have to wake Daisy and tell her to listen for Corban. I know she would be worried, but I was not about to wake him up and take him out in the cold. Then my alarm went off again, and I woke and realized that the bit about waking Ruby and worrying had all been a dream. I got up and woke Ruby (for real) and told her to get up and wake me when she was ready to go. I promptly fell asleep, and all-too-soon my alarm went off. I got up and woke Ruby and went downstairs to get some breakfast. Suddenly, a knock at the door revealed my Uncle Royal, looking dashing in his 1940's traveling attire and carrying a big old-fashioned suitcase. I showed him to the guest room and went upstairs to wake Daisy. I told her that I was leaving to take Ruby. "If Corban wakes up, just lie in my bed next to him. Don't worry. If he is too much to handle, Uncle Royal is here and he can hold him for you."
"Mom"...
My eyes flew open. It was Ruby. Another dream.
But I did go tell Daisy to lie down by my Corban Royal if he woke. And I certainly felt calmer about leaving, knowing he was in good hands.
I like to think there is a special connection there, between Royal and his namesake, Corban Royal. Maybe he was the one assigned to bring relief when I petitioned the heavens to send someone.
I wasn't expecting my long-suffering, good natured uncle Royal who died when I was in high school, but I'm grateful for the dream of him that brought me some peace and comfort. I do believe that however it works, our loved ones on the other side of the veil are aiding us and cheering us on.
And I'm grateful that I can trust God to send the best kind of help when I'm in need.
...
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