May Photos

We took a field trip and met the Stingers at the Renaissance Fair.  It was kind of lame, but the horse vaulting was fun!

May 4, 2013

Gus-Gus.

Brandon's pictures

Ruby and Daisy's luncheon with homeschool friends

Well that's just handsome!

School carnival

What nice chubbies you have!

Sullivan and Decker Porter

All Because I Wanted Chickens

We already have a chicken coop, for crying out loud!

And my little girl was so excited about the chickens my friend had in her yard.
 
I love fresh eggs, and I love the idea of our property producing food for us.

Several people in our neighborhood have chickens, but I made the mistake of reading the city code before we moved up here.
You have to pay $50 to file for a contingent land use permit.  They have to get permission from your neighbors and you risk the $50 if they don't grand the permit. 
It is a ridiculous law for a rural town like ours. 
And anyone who thinks chickens are a nuisance should try living by neighbors with dogs. 
I can't imagine chickens being any noisier or stinkier than dogs. 

So I decided to be a good citizen and find out what it takes to change the law.  I know I'm not the only person here that would like the change. 
I called the city office.
What do I need to do?
"Oh.  Well, it will cost you."
And she goes on to tell me that it is pretty much impossible to change city code here.  She gives me the number of someone who could give me more info. 

The tears of frustration that followed that conversation were a part of the first major mommy meltdown since I had the baby. 

I've never made it this long before, but it still wasn't pleasant.

When the lady called me back, she let me know it was $700 to file a request to change the city code.  They would have to have a special public hearing, and that I'd be opening a can of worms because it was such a controversial subject.

This same week, someone brought it to my attention that all of the houses in our neighborhood that have been vacant and some that were just listed have all been sold. 

And one of my kids is having some tough issues with a neighborhood friend. 

So I did something I've been telling myself not to do for 2 years.

I looked back.

And I thought about my dreams.  And I thought about what I was looking for 2 years ago when we made a crazy leap of faith and moved. 
And I wondered if I made the right choice. 

Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE this house.  It could only be more perfect with a 3rd bathroom.  It is a wonderful fit for our family.

But I wasn't looking for a house.  I was looking for a yard.  I was looking for nature, animals, privacy, self-reliance. 

I was under a lot of pressure that summer, and my dream just seemed like it couldn't work out.  This house was so tempting with the great floor plan and the large lot and the raquetball court. 

It was a step in the right direction.  But it wasn't my dream. 
I settled.
I promised myself I wouldn't settle.

The first time this disturbed me was when "our" house in Woodland Hills sold.  I drove by on the way to a friend's house and saw the swingset and the swimming pool in the yard. 
Somebody else had made it work.  Another family with little kids.  Did I give up too easily?

I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind, feeling I had made the best decision I could at the time and with the feeling that this was the right place for us. 

But each time I drive up there, my heart aches.

So on that crazy day with the chicken problem weighing me down, I decided to look.

I looked to see what the houses were selling for in our neighborhood.  What IS our house worth?

And I looked in  Woodland Hills. 

And I found that the house that I absolutely fell in love with there that was way out of our price range eventually came down to below what we paid for this house. 

And I found another house on the market that "needs an offer" that is in our price range.
It is on a beautiful 2 acres of forest. 
It is 2 houses up from one friend and one street away from another.
It is on the edge of the one beautiful mountain in the county. 
We have lots of big mountains here, but they are parched and ugly.

But my husband is very slow to accept change.
And he LOVES our raquetball court.
It has been a big blessing for him to be able to exercise more regularly and have some fun in his life. 
I don't want to take that away from him.

I honestly shared my feelings with him.
I was surprised at his calm willingness to listen.
He considered what I said with love in his eyes and voice.
But he doesn't want to give up his raquetball court or this house.
He doesn't want to even go look.

I thought I could walk away from that conversation calmly and never look back, but I can't.
I think about it everyday, as if I already know we are moving there. 
My sleeping dragon of a dream has been awakened with a fury. 
I don't know how to quiet it.
I don't know if I want to.

I've always been a person who knows how to "bloom where planted".  I'm very happy here.  I've always been very happy where I've been.  I have a great life with a great family with lots of blessings. 

Does that mean I'm supposed to ignore my dreams?  Suppress the longing?
"Hope there'll be pine trees in heaven?"
 (I have sung that song at funerals, by the way.  It's a goodun)

I don't know.
But I do know 2 things:
I am determined to be happy here if it is right.  I will do all I can to conquer the bullheads and weeds and wasps and rocks of this parched 3rd acre.  Maybe the friend problems too.  I'll wait the 20 years for the trees and try not to mourn the fact that my kids will be grown by then.

But I am also not done with my dream.  I will keep looking and hoping and dreaming.  I will keep my mind and eyes and heart open for that property that my whole soul aches for.  The MLS is not "off limits" the way it has been for the past 2 years. 

And maybe I'll get my wish.  Or maybe my dreams will change. 

But always I'll be grateful to be living my dreams with the people I'd do anything to be with.  I'd live anywhere with them, even a cardboard box.

But preferably a cardboard box in the forest.

With some chickens in the yard.

...

My Name Is Sarah

And I love babies.

That was my intro at a fireside for homeschoolers last night. 
Everyone was asked to say their name and something they like.  I agreed with those who said reading, singing, scripture study, and I'd probably add sewing and trees to my list.  But as I sat waiting for my turn, I couldn't think of anything I love and have loved my whole life as much as I love babies.

I was the girl at the ward parties and reunions hunting down anyone under 2 to hold or play with.

I remember when my cousin Eric was a baby I'd get up early every morning of Christmas Break and follow my aunt Maurine around until he woke up so I wouldn't miss the chance to dress him. 

I devoured the parenting magazines left on coffee tables at the homes where I babysat, and I loved to babysit. 

Most of the few fond memories I have of my early teen years were of sewing things for the new babies in our ward. 

My best friend in high school and I would make each other hope chest baby items for birthdays and holidays. 

And I remember the "kindred spirit" feeling I felt when a guy I knew in choir admitted that he loved browsing the baby sections of stores.

I played with my dolls until I started getting flack from my siblings, but even then I'd spend a Saturday here and there getting them all out and lovingly changing their outfits and giving them new hairstyles. 

I still love to browse the baby section, watch TV shows about labor and delivery, read birth stories online, make hair things and hats and binki clips and blankets and diapers and tiny little lovely things for tiny little lovely beings.

My friends' homebirths that I've been asked to attend were two of the most honored privileges of my life.

I like to see the latest baby inventions and try them out, even silly ones like baby leg warmers.  I still don't really get the point of these.  Why are they so much better than pants?  I don't know, but I keep putting them on him cause they're just so stinkin' cute!

I love to wash and smell and fold the little diapers and outfits and blankets. 

One of the hardest parts about having this new baby is that I can't just hold him and nurse him and fold his sweet laundry. 

I actually have quite a few other people to take care of, not to mention a rather large house and yard. 

I am slowly adding back in these other responsibilities, and thankfully I have a baby that complies.
He sleeps through the night and very rarely fusses.  He is perfectly happy to be down and playing when he is not nursing or sleepy. 
I am thankful for this.
It is a wonderful blessing.
But sometimes I feel guilty to pass by him kicking away in his bouncy seat and cooing while I go on to "get things done". 
Other times I long to sit and hold him sleeping on my chest or cuddle with him in bed, but my home and family cry out for attention.

I know there are lots of wonderful things to do and accomplish, so I already know the answer to the question that sometimes pops into my mind, "What will I do when I don't have a baby anymore?"

But I think it keeps popping up because my heart is bursting with joy at the fun I am having with my 7th baby.

And I know that when the time comes to live the answer to that question I will be moving on from the season of my life where I get to do my favorite thing.


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