Answered

This post has been begging to be written.  I feel it an error to make it wait another day.

Sometimes when you have a large family and things are hard, you don't really realize it until you look back.  Life just keeps you at its incredible pace.  There is no time to think if things are hard, you just do.  Not to say I was completely oblivious to the difficulties of this winter and spring, but I was busy and happy and just accepting what came.  Looking back, however, it was hard!  I was sick or the kids were sick and I was just hanging on for dear life, letting pretty much everything go except our outside commitments and a few household tasks that I was not doing very well.  I was pretty good at getting dinner on the table and sort of kept laundry going. 

As I began to feel a little better toward the end of the summer, I realized how badly I did NOT want to go back to having things that way.  And as each productive, energetic day went by, I feared it a little more.  I've been exercising again, getting up at 5am to swim in a neighbor's indoor pool.  I've had more time to think and study and pray.  And homeschool is going so well!  How I LOVE spending time with my kids learning and recording what we learn. 

It came on slowly, beginning with some extreme fatigue on the weekend.  Then my swimming time didn't seem to be making me feel the way it had been.  By Wednesday I felt like it was giving me asthma.  And I had a kink in my back that was getting worse, causing increasing pain in my neck, head, and sinuses.  I felt like I was starting to fall apart!  I was so discouraged!  I was filling every single minute of my days with good causes, doing everything I possibly could to be healthy.  But it wasn't working.  I was still slipping back into the survival mode.  By Thursday evening, I was feeling pretty miserable, but knew I just needed to keep plugging along.  After all, my days are scheduled almost down to the minute in order to keep everything maintained.  As much as I knew I needed to rest, I just couldn't see a time where I could fit that in without placing a huge burden on my husband or kids or friends.  Besides, my friends are all in the same boat!  We're all trying to school and care for large families on limited amounts of time and dollars. 

At this point, picking dinner became less romantic.  I was desperate for rest, but each evening knew I had a big job ahead of me.  We were going on weeks without buying groceries, so much of our comfort foods of butter, milk, eggs, and cheese were gone.  We were trying to be good sports about oatmeal with water or powdered milk, but it was getting hard.  I had prayed several times for the Lord to send us a little food if it was His will, but knew I was learning a lot of important things by using what we had stored and making the best of our harvest.  I was being blessed to know what to make each day, and I even found a big bag of homemade butter that I had frozen so long ago.  My kids won't eat it because it tastes cheesy, but I love it.  I was SO thankful for it the day we decided to make some popcorn and I realized we were out of butter!  So I was okay about the food, really.  I knew it was a good experience for me, but I felt that all of the comforts of my life were slipping away.

Friday morning I was not well at all.  I had big plans for what we were going to accomplish that day, and I couldn't stand to see them drift away.  I prayed hard to know what to do.  I felt so alone, like anyone I could ask for help was already dealing with their own burden.  I knew there were things I could do to pamper and care for myself, but I couldn't see a way to actually do them.  My time and energy was already more than spoken for!  I cried out to the Lord, "Who will take care of me?  I'm taking care of so many, and willingly, but what do I do with this?"

I knew I needed a chiropractic adjustment, so I texted the chiropractor, hoping he might have an opening today.  He has been pretty busy lately, so I knew it was a long shot.  Then I went back to bed.  I just had to.  I told the kids I was available because it was a time of day that I knew they would need me.  I was wakened to help with discipline, to help with math, to encourage with chores, but I did rest.  And the chiropractor had an opening at 11:30!  The answers started there.  I prayed hard before I went into his home that he would know what to say and I would know what to ask and that he would have answers for me.  I left feeling so hopeful!  My sinuses were already starting to drain and my back felt relieved from the adjustment.  But more importantly, he said things to me that helped me see where my thoughts were off.  He also said he noticed I was losing weight.  I don't even know if I am because I don't care much for weighing myself, but it was what I needed to hear that my hard work of getting up early to exercise wasn't being wasted. 

I felt like a new person when I got back in my car.  My body was fragile and aching like it always is after an adjustment, but my spirits felt so much more hopeful.  I had a thought to call a friend who lives in the same area.  She makes colloidal silver to help with her sinus problems.  I wanted to try it, so I gave her a call.  She was home and happy to share some with me.  No charge, because another friend had given her the bottles, and that's all she usually charges friends for.  I'm not alone, there ARE people who will help me and care for me! 

When I got home, the kids were happily and busily making lunches so we could go to park day.  They got everything ready with hardly a word from me.  Just before we left, Daisy slipped me a $20 bill that she has been saving for months so I could buy a few groceries.  Sarajoy caught the giving bug and joyfully gave me her precious dollar from her purse!  How could I accept it, but how could I not?  This would allow the dinner date  with Dallin I was desperately longing for!  And milk!  Park day was especially refreshing and nourishing.  I left feeling renewed. 

I was so excited to go home and tell Dallin we could go on a date!  He was at the library picking some things up for me.  I just couldn't wait, so I had Nathan drive me down and drop me off.  It was incredibly fun to have some minutes to browse the shelves uninterrupted!  I took note that it was actually a pretty fun date.  We both found some fun, free treasures to bring home.  I told him about Daisy's gift and how much I needed a dinner out.  (We are seriously the worst at dates.  We have dinner together about twice a year.)  He started heading for Café Rio, even though I hadn't told him that was where I wanted to go.  I knew we could share a meal there for pretty cheap and still have money left for a few things at the store.  Then he whipped a Café Rio gift card out of his wallet that he had won at work!  We could each get our own meal!  It was delicious and comforting and lovely to have that meal with him.  We picked up the few necessities we could with our $16.38 and still had a dollar left for a couple of ice cream cones at the deli.  I felt full and healed.

We came home to a giant package of toilet paper in our kitchen.  I didn't mention that we ran out of toilet paper the night before co-op and I had to beg my friend to bring some for the 38 or so kids that would be there.  So toilet paper was a more than welcome sight.  My kids excitedly showed me the other goodies a friend had left for me.  They told me she was being very sneaky, but they saw who she was.  Loads and loads of groceries that I know she would not buy for her own family because they are having such frugal times.  So humbling.  The next morning I got a text from another friend that she was bringing me some butter.  We were not home until later that day so I gave her the garage code.  We came home to even more treats, more abundance!  I am still finding treasures since she is the one who put the things away.  Last night I found bacon!  We had BLT's for dinner, and they were delicious!  I'm still getting teary when I think of my friends sacrificing their precious food budgets for me.  Sunday night, when our tummies were full of BLT deliciousness, another friend stopped by who had cleared her meager pantry to bring abundance to me.  Again, how could I accept it, but how could I not?  The Lord had answered my prayers through these people and I knew he would bless them for it.  The variety of treats she brought complimented the other gifts in such a lovely way.  How did she know we needed chips to go with our homemade salsa?  And yummy Nesquick for a delicious milky treat.  We are feeling downright spoiled! 

As wonderful a relief as the food is, it isn't about the food.  It is about the Lord answering my prayer to let me know I will be cared for.  One way or another, He will care for me.  How humbled and grateful I am to know I have friends I can count on to be there for me and care for me.  These are the kinds of miracles that only happen when things get hard.  I testify that prayers are answered.

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