It Must Be February

Because I find myself thinking constantly about the people I love. 

I feel a drive to seek out friends I haven't connected to in awhile. 
Peoples names and faces interrupt my thoughts with a yearning to get back in touch. 
My friends I see regularly seem to linger longer in conversations that have been wholesome and soul-nourishing.
Dallin got a love letter early, because I just couldn't wait until the 14th to say it all!
I find myself pulling big kids onto my lap or dancing around the kitchen with them.
I find myself stopping to look into little people's eyes, playing games, and listening with wonder at the still one-year-old baby's speech.
I find myself admiring people I don't know as well and just aching to get to know them better.
I am tempted to think I don't have time for all of these interruptions, playdates, conversations, and get-togethers.
Won't I get behind?  (Seriously, when was the last time I was ahead?? )
No.  I feel myself embracing this season of love. 
Relationships are really what life is all about.
And spending time with people I love energizes me and nourishes me better than anything this planet has to offer.
And I'm so incredibly blessed to have so many people to love.

 So much love, such a little month.  February has charmed me like never before.

He Is In The Details

This post is about a really sensitive subject.  So sensitive that I can't share a lot of details, even though I usually love to share details. 
But I would feel ungrateful if I didn't take this chance to shout out to the world that God is in the details of our lives.  If we are listening, He has things to show us and ways to prepare us for the things that lie ahead. 

It started with a phone call from my friend mentioning that she would like to start learning more about the 12-step addiction recovery program.  I told her that I had had a similar thought, and I remembered that someone had come to our Relief Society a couple of years ago to explain a little bit about it.  We scheduled a time to meet and discuss a few things since we both have loved ones recovering from addictions.  Two days later, I was cleaning out the computer desk and found the 12-step handout from Relief Society that had been hiding under a stack of papers for years. 

Two days later, my husband and I were watching our Becoming Spiritually Centered DVD, and the lesson was on how to handle it when someone you love makes a mistake. 
My favorite part was that he taught that when someone is in a state of high emotion, their heart is wide open, so whatever message you send will go straight to their heart.  You can emphasize their eternal worth or you can send a message of rejection. 

Two days later, my friend and I met with another friend and talked about addictions and weakness and how we are ultimately all dependent on Christ for our salvation.  We shared a hope that we can help our loved ones through recovery and we can be free from our own issues through Him.

That night, well, (enter "sensitive information" emoticon)....

But I was able to feel so loved, and express so much love, and feel so much peace. 
Sorrow, for sure, but not sadness and depression and anxiety. 
Sorrow and peace.

I was prepared.
And I am so grateful.

Stumbling Back Into Life

Did I say some posts ago that I was glad to have a few days before I had to jump back into life?

I think it was more like a trip and fall back into life.

January was a hard month this year.

I think it has been hard for a few years now, so maybe there's a pattern. 

It seemed like the Christmas sicknesses lingered enough to make us not feel really sick or really well, but everyone was more tired.

We had a few more orthodontist and Dr. visits than usual.

Getting the house put back together after Christmas took up most of the month.

And my body which has been in hormonal chaos for months finally decided to settle into full blown PMS.

We jumped back into our scheduled events: classes, co-op, temple days, but the getting up early and exercising and studying and doing lessons with the kids got put off and off and off.

It was the perfect recipe for mommy-guilt, and it hit me pretty hard.  

But thankfully, I have learned some important things about staying calm, following the light, and surrendering to difficulties that helped me through the worst of it. 

And the kids are great at doing their chores and their basic school stuff.

The Relief Society activity was on reflexology, so I got a good foot massage.

I spent a Saturday at another great Speech and Debate tournament, and I even braved the crazy Salt Lake traffic in the big blue van.

I was pleasantly surprised by how uplifting and fun it was to begin the Easter Music with the community women's choir I am in.

And I learned that sometimes I can't rise above the hormone fog, and that it is okay. 
Sometimes I just have to hang on and understand that it will clear. 
That I can still surround myself by things that are uplifting and spiritual and know that it will soon be penetrated. 
That perhaps it is important for me to learn empathy for people struggling emotionally. 
That the perfect Savior had to feel abandoned by his Father in order to complete his work for me, so I will suffer my miniscule part of that inability to connect with the Spirit in order to be His.

I stumbled and fell short a lot in January.

But it was a precious reminder of how much I need His love, His light, and His grace to rise and try again.

It is Resolved That...

I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions.

But I decided to make one this year:

I'm going to kiss my husband good night every night.
Really kiss him.
Like the way we used to kiss goodnight when we were dating.

I think it will be fun.

Are you blushing?

I am.

I Probably Should Have Said, "Happy New Year"

After several days of dealing with the constant care of stomach-sick children, my mom presented an idea that sounded pretty wonderful:

Instead of having Dallin drive all the way up to Idaho after driving all the way home from Mexico, she suggested that she and my dad drive us home to surprise him.

I jumped at that chance, for sure!  The chance to have a couple of days to get unpacked and ready to jump back into life after a very intense season.

And it was oh, so wonderful to pull into our driveway.  The trip itself was the usual 4 hour drive with 5 kids.  Except that my parents treated us to In-and-Out burgers for dinner.  Love that place.

But we got home in time to unpack all but one of the big Christmas bins of presents and Things we brought.  Everybody's suitcases were unpacked and laundry was started.

It was pretty late when the kids went to bed, but we knew there were still a couple of hours before Dallin and the boys would get home.  I was pretty excited about the surprise, but I was so exhausted from all of the packing, loading, unloading, and unpacking in one day.  I knew it would be more of a surprise if my mom's car wasn't in the driveway, but with so much snow on the roads there weren't a lot of choices.  We wondered if it was worth it.

We started talking on the couches.  Mom dozed off while I read some Christmas stories.  When she woke up, it was 1:00-ish.  She got her coat on and went out and moved the car into the cul-de-sac across the road.  I was glad she did!  We got into a really great conversation that passed the next hour and some pretty quickly.  Suddenly she said, "I think they're here!"

We jumped up and tried to figure out how to unveil the surprise.  We had already turned out all of the lights except the Christmas tree which they had left on.  I decided to be in the kitchen so I would see them right away. 

I sat at the computer desk next to the door to our kitchen from the garage.  My heart was surely pumping as I heard the garage door open.  Nathan and Brandon walked right past me in the dark kitchen.  They looked at me, horrified, when I whispered, "Shhhh....keep going." And pointed them on their way.  I didn't want their stares to give it away to Dallin.  They obeyed, their own hearts pumping then.

I heard the garage door again.  Moments later he was before me, walking past without a glance.  "Merry Christmas," was all I said, and boy what a shout he gave!  It was a bit animal-like.  Primal, for sure.
 He forgave me because he liked the present so very much.

The next day was extremely delightful because we got to sleep in a little, wake up to my parents being there, get some more unpacking and cleaning done, listen to Mexico stories, and just enjoy being all together again. 

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for a Merry Christmas AND a Happy New Year!

About My Father's Business

When you get that many kids together for any amount of time, you're bound to spread a sickness or two around.  Many of our Christmas memories with cousins are remembered as "the year we had strep," "the impetigo/hand-foot-mouth disease year," or the "really bad year when we all had the stomach flu."  And most notable are the years when, amazingly, nobody gets sick.

I've given up trying to prevent it.  It is not worth the work because it doesn't seem to make a difference how many surfaces we clean with lysol wipes or how many times we use hand sanitizer or how many loads of laundry we do.  The  germs just get spread.  So now I kind of expect it, but it is still a pain.

Simon threw up while we were at Amy's doing a Despicable Me marathon.  I'm so incredibly grateful that she was so easy going about it and so helpful with cleaning it up and helping him be comfortable.  What a blessing to not be stressed about what she is thinking.

That night I was playing with Sullivan when he suddenly said, "gross," and threw up on me.  So I spent the night going from one child to another, putting more gross loads of laundry in.  The rug that Sullivan threw up on broke my mom's upstairs washer.  More inconvenience.

Days later as I was outside walking downstairs to switch out more laundry, I began to feel a dreadful fear that my whole "vacation" was being wasted on sickness.

But I caught myself in the thought and cast it aside.
What else did I wish to be doing? 
I remembered who spent His days caring for the sick.
And it became a sweet privilege to be about His business.

The Best New Year's Eve Party Ever

We were sick, so how could it be? 

How could it be nice to take care of sick kids on a holiday?  To be quarantined from the rest of the family does not sound like fun.

So how could it be? 

Sullivan just kept throwing up and throwing up and a couple of the other kids had coughs or were getting over the throw ups.

But it really was the best.

As much as we love love love our cousins, it was really nice to have a day at my parents house that was not an "event".  Nobody was worried about what to eat because nobody felt much like eating.  And nobody wanted to come over to eat because they might get sick. 

And when you are not stressed about helping prepare meals and keeping kids safe and house clean and getting to this or that event on time,

Sitting all day and holding a cuddly sick baby is really quite.....lovely.

I sat and watched two whole movies with my kids, and it was fun.  I wasn't worried that I was wasting time or that something else needed to be done.  I think they thought it was pretty special that I was with them, just being there and still and available.

Grandma came downstairs to ask if there was anything we wanted to do to celebrate.  We hummed and hawed a little, thinking the day was pretty much a flop.  But I hadn't let Simon eat that day, and he was ravenous for a hamburger.  Grandma offered to go get some.  Just then, Ruby opened a little drawer on an empty nick-knack shelf on my mom's wall.  She found an age-old box of sparklers that hadn't been opened.  Would they still work???

So we ate hamburgers and grenadine punch and decided to watch the New York New Year so we wouldn't have to stay up too late. 
We played some games and did the sparklers on the deck--they worked! 
Just a couple of minutes before the ball dropped, Grandma remembered a box of old party favors and brought it up. 
The kids put on silly masks and we blew noisemakers and had a good laugh.  Even Sullivan felt well enough for a few minutes to put on a mask and dance with the kids. 

It was an amazingly heartwarming and soul-nourishing scene. 

Happy, Happy New Year!