A Stranger in My Own Land

The closer we got, the more impossible it seemed. 

I swear, my posessions were reproducing before my eyes. 

Had it not been for a very large group of very awesome people, I would for sure still be trying to empty my house of all of that STUFF!

It was truly embarassing how much stuff we had!

But my heart is so full of gratititude for people who came once, twice, and a few even came three or more times to help me meet the deadline. 

Even now I sit in my friend's lovely air-conditioned home instead of a trailer or a tent. 

July 21st came and went.  It went quickly!  I couldn't believe how quickly the days went by as we worked and packed and hauled and fit together the giant jigsaw puzzle that the storage pod was!  And then a whole day just to clean the big, empty house. 

Towards the end of the day, I shed tears of sheer frustration and exhaustion.  I had no room for emotion. 

I was grateful that we got to meet the new owner.  His story helped me feel that it was right for us to move. 

We've driven by the house a couple of times since then, but still no emotion.  Just gratitude that the horrible ordeal of emptying that house is over. 

Over the weekend, we finished off the last 2 of 4 family reunions we had this month.

We also discovered that there is toxic mold in our house we are trying to buy.  It has thrown a wrench into our moving-in plans. 

I finally got a chance last night to think about what I would sing for Sacrament meeting today.  Dallin suggested Each Life That Touches Ours For Good.  It seemed like a nice song for a missionary farewell.  Our lives have been touched by watching Guy Foster grow into a man. 

This morning, I drove over to my friend's so we could practice a couple of times before church.  She was kind enough to agree to play for me at the last minute. 

I saw Jen Crafts getting her mail and thought about her new baby.  I drove by Sister Bean's house and wondered how her battle with cancer was going. 

And I felt strange. 

A stranger in my own neighborhood. 

Not my neighborhood. 

I don't belong to any place in that neighborhood anymore. 

I went in and sang the song. 

I had forgotten about that part:

When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee. 

I did quite well, really.  I don't think my voice even cracked.  I held a straight face and kept that emotion in. 

All the way to the car. 

Then the tears came. 

Oh, how I still want to belong there.  I hadn't anticipated what a loss it would be to not belong there. 

I knew I would miss my friends, and even miss the house. 

But knowing something will happen and actually experiencing it are two different things!

I miss you, 15th ward. 

I miss the neat little houses with neat yards and the shabby little houses with shabby yards and all the lovely lived-in houses that are a little less-than-neat because of little people who live there. 

Mostly, I'll miss belonging there with my friends.  I won't be far from my friends, but not belonging creates a distance I hadn't expected. 

So I am sad, but mostly I am thankful for the 7 wonderful years of belonging.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior's name

Who bless our days with peace and love

We praise thy goodness, Lord above.

Thank you, friends! 

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