Oh Yeah, Now I Remember

It is probably a tender mercy that women forget many of the things involved when bringing a new baby into the world.

It seems to only take a few nights of good sleep and all I can think of is an adorable pink or blue bundle that smells wonderful and has lots of cute stuff. 
Okay, I actually think of a pink AND blue bundle because I have this crazy wish of having girl/boy twins.  That wish only disappears for a few months when I actually have one newborn to care for and I can't imagine what it would be like to have two. 

Dads don't forget as well, so it takes some convincing to get them to embark on the adventure yet again.

And then the remembering starts.

Oh yeah, THIS is what morning sickness feels like.

I'd forgotten just HOW tired a pregnant person can feel.

And there's just no description for the intensity of those hard labor contractions. 
But I think the memory of them is the first to fade.

Now that he's here, there is a whole new set of things to remember.

Like how pregnancy fatigue pales in comparison to new baby fatigue. 

How having a new baby makes all of your children seem new again.  The love that it evokes brings on the difficulty of recognizing and yearning to fill everyone's needs but not being able to because taking care of yourself and baby takes all of your time for several weeks.

Or how heartbreaking it is to hear that fresh little cry go on and on and on and not know how to help it.

How scary it is to face the unknown of another lonely night. 

And the milk that just comes and comes and makes poor baby feel like he's drinking from a hydrant.

The emotional highs and lows are higher and lower, but now you know its just hormones playing tricks on you.

Or never knowing if you're overdoing it until you've done too much and then how it aches!

How getting some laundry and dishes done can actually be quite refreshing after being in bed for a week or so.

And, Hello, laundry!  How can one tiny kid make so much?

How you can think of at least 10 things to do at any given moment, but then you sit down and hold the baby some more.

Or maybe you actually zero in on and start one of those 10 things and find an hour or a day or a few days later that you never finished it.

How hard it is to remember to eat and drink--even when you're so incredibly thirsty all the time!

How a visitor can make all the difference in a day.

I think, "How will I ever survive this.  I can never do this again!"

Somehow these things all get hidden away in the vision of that joyfully expected new little bundle.

It is a good thing.  

And I've enjoyed it a little more each time. 
This time I sometimes relish those not-so-pleasant parts of the package. 
They are signs that I am in such a precious season. 

That I get to breathe deeply that wonderful smell of a new baby's head.

That I listen to the song of little uneven breaths as I sleep.

That each time he needs a new outfit I have the chance to see another way he makes such a beautiful
 picture.

We are all benefitting from the revival of our favorite lullabyes.

I get to experience just how very soft baby hair is, especially the kind on his arms and back. 

And I won't lie, even the smell of what happens in their diapers is pretty sweet.

I get to gaze into the depths of mysteriously familiar and serious eyes.

There are moments when I'm so full of love that it just takes my breath away.

I think, "I could do this forever!"

But it doesn't last forever.  And I begin to welcome the change because as he grows, I heal.

As his cheeks fill out and that faraway look in his eyes brightens to an awareness of the present, I get smiles and giggles.

His cry turns older and the real tears fall, but I start to get more rest.

When he starts to walk and talk, I start to forget.

Then I might just want to do it again!

Oh, what will his Daddy say then?

But now I've gotten ahead of myself. 

I'm in the here and now, taking the bitter with the sweet.

It is delicious.

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