Mothered

Now I come to a tribute where my heart just won't fit on paper!

I know what it means to be mothered.

And the older I get, the more I realize what a precious and rare gift that is.  I took it for granted that everyone was treated with unconditional love and kindness as a child.  I took it for granted that every woman would want her mother near as she gave birth and during the days following.  But I know women who have not been mothered, and I ache for them as they bring their babies into the world and struggle to figure it out on their own.  Because I have experienced something beautiful and different.

Always I want my mother with me during birth.  Strangely, it has not happened that way most of the time.  With Nathan, she was running my baby shower!  In those pre-cell phone days, it was impossible to let people know that I had gone into labor, so they had the shower without me.  She rushed up to the hospital to take some videos of me and the baby to show the ladies at the shower.  With Brandon, she was taking care of Nathan.  Ruby's she missed just by a little as they had decided to go up to Palmyra for the Hill Cumorah Pageant.  They got back into town just after she was born.  Daisy was my first home birth, and she was there!  Also with Simon she was able to attend.  With Sarajoy she had to go home because my dad had an accident with a table saw and she had to be there for his surgery.  She was home for less than 24 hours before she turned around and drove back.  She got to my house and sat down to read a story to someone and she heard the baby's first cry.  Similarly, with Sullivan, she was helping get my little ones out the door with a friend when she heard that cry.

This time, I was determined she would not miss it.  And she didn't.  I love having her share that most sacred and precious experience with me.  This time she helped me get the bed ready, she helped warm water to fill the birth pool, she fed me ice chips and was just there, doing whatever was needed.
But that is how she always is!  Somehow when I have a baby, she manages to take care of me, the baby, and my entire household efficiently and cheerfully.  My meals are brought to me in bed for as long as I need to stay there, and they are always well prepared and delicious.  I'm regularly brought nice things to drink like juice over ice chips, and my water bottle is rarely empty.  When I have needed help in the bathroom or shower, she is there supporting me.  When I just need a couple of hours of sleep in a row, she will snuggle the baby for me--day or night!  When my other kids are stir-crazy or need attention, she reads to them or takes them on an outing.  And my big kids don't know what to do because their chores seem to always be done.  The laundry is not just clean, but put away! The dishes are always done.  She is content to be company for me when I need it, or to just work quietly on her own things so I can rest.  She will help me take baby to the doctor or send Dallin and I on an expense-paid date if I am up to it.  And when she leaves, my fridge and pantry are always well stocked with food.

And when she leaves, I always cry.

Not because I don't think I can manage without her.  She is so careful to leave me well prepared for the transition ahead.  But because I am so full of love and awe at her ability to care for me and my family.  Because I know how my children will miss her.  Because I miss her friendship and love and attention.  Because I am inspired by her ability to lose herself in service.  Because I wish every woman could be so mothered!

This time I was trying so hard to be brave.  I made it through the hugs and the goodbyes and the waving the car off.  But as soon as I got back to my room, I had a good cry.  I thought I had gotten it out of my system until that night.  The house was quiet and the kids were in bed and I crept down to take my vitamins and her place where she'd sat on the couch working was empty and I completely lost it.  I realized I slept my time with her away.  I needed the sleep, but I didn't get much of a chance to spend time with her like I normally do after a baby.  And when I came back to my room bawling, Dallin knew exactly why.  He won't ever cry, but I think his heart was bawling too.  She mothers her sons-in-law so respectfully that they don't want her to leave either.

It leaves me with a feeling of great responsibility.  I know I can never repay that kind of service, but I hope I can be that kind of mother.