Our first part of Christmas break was spent at home. We are so very blessed that Dallin gets the full 2 weeks off for Christmas break! I love it when he is home. It is so nice to take things at an easier pace. We have slow mornings with warm breakfast and scriptures and discussions and the guys do racquetball. I love it! This year we each drew a name to fill a stocking. Through the holiday season, I took each kid on a date to shop for their sibling's stocking gifts and their cousin gift. We also had a meal together. I LOVE spending that kind of time with my kids individually. It makes the whole season more fun because the kids are thinking of each other and being excited to fill a stocking on Christmas Eve.
Monday evening we had our Giving Day. I knew I was not functioning on a level that I could do a bunch of crafty projects this year, so I decided to rethink the tradition. I thought about drawing names, but one thing I really love about the tradition is that we each spend some time thinking about each family member. Simon tipped me off to a really great idea by making a Lego creation for me one day. I had him make one for each family member and he had them all wrapped up and under the tree in no time! I had the older kids think of something they loved and apply it to each family member. They came up with some great stuff! Ruby gave us each a Harry Potter character and told us why we are like that person. Nathan chose a favorite song and played it for each person and printed off the album cover with a note on the back. (I got a little teary-eyed when he played the one for me :)) Brandon drew pictures of different temples and a scripture to go along with it that matched each person's personality. Daisy made everyone stress-relief balls out of balloons and flour. Sarajoy made chex party mix for everyone and Sullivan made dipped pretzels. I made everyone a cute felt photo ornament. It was my only craft for the season, and I loved it! Making things really is part of what makes Christmas seem real to me. Dallin got these amazing Tri-Star balls that his co-worker makes for each of us and put a different scripture on each one. It was a wonderful, happy evening.
We took an evening to go visit the Norman Rockwell exhibit at the BYU Museum of Art. Going as a whole family was a bit overwhelming, but we took turns with the little ones to make it easier. I sat in the foyer of the exhibit where they had all of the Saturday Evening Post covers displayed. Sullivan and I played I Spy and found quite a few interesting things. After the museum we went to dinner as a family. That is not something we get to do a lot, and it was really enjoyable.
We packed up early on the 23rd so we would be able to enjoy Christmas Day at our house without the hustle and bustle of getting ready for a trip. It was kinda stressful for me, but the big kids and Dallin stepped in and made it all work.
We got invited to spend Christmas Eve with some of Dallin's family. That was a nice surprise. We had a nice dinner, fun little talent show, and a chance to act out the nativity with cousins. Lots of fun and important time with family. We came home feeling really glad we went! We did it early enough to get home in time to get things wrapped up and under the tree before too late. We opted to have Santa come with Jammies on Christmas Night since we were not sure when we would be getting home.
It was fun that Ruby wanted to be my wrapping buddy this year. She was so helpful! She was also Dallin's shopping buddy so I got some really great stuff in my stocking for the first time ever! I did something kind of silly but fun. In November we had studied ancient Africa and African folklore. My kids loved the story of Anansi the spider and his sons (Road-builder, Stone-thrower, River-Drinker, See-Trouble, Game-Skinner, and Cushion (so soft!) ) My kids had decided who each one would be, etc. So when I was wrapping their presents, instead of putting a name, I made up an Ashanti name and they had to try to guess who it was for. Dad was Bread-Winner, I was Home-Maker, Nathan was Friend-Maker, Brandon was Noise-Maker, Ruby was Hair-Winder, Daisy was Baby-Calmer, Simon was Bow-Singer, Sarajoy was Smile-Maker, Sullivan was Ball-Runner, and Corban was Cushion (so soft!). Yeah, I'm a nerd, but it was fun.
Christmas Day was really fun, with some great surprises. We opened gifts by the tree and had breakfast casserole. Then we opened stockings. I almost gave away Brandon's gift by putting a charger in his stocking!! Thankfully I claimed the mistake and he didn't suspect. I had a gift for each kid hidden in the basement. We often have hidden gifts by another tree, etc. to make the fun of the gifts stretch throughout the day. I was wondering if they would ever find the gifts! Finally, we were all down there watching a movie when someone made the discovery. Brandon had asked for a leather jacket, an iPhone, and a backpack. He had already opened the backpack that morning. I realized one day in December that I had a leather jacket from my sister that was a hand-me-down that I had never worn. Since I wasn't planning on getting him a jacket, I thought it would be the perfect hiding place for the iPhone. I found a iphone4 really cheap on Amazon, so I was really excited and wanted him to be surprised. I was pretty sure he was not really expecting that gift. So I put the cell phone in the pocket of the jacket and wrapped it up. I was hoping he would get really excited, put the jacket on, and then put his hand in the pocket. He DID! It was just like that, and we got some great shots of his discovery! Sulli got his much longed for Iron Man suit, Simon got a bunch of Ninjago Lego guys, Daisy got a treehouse for her Calico Critters and Woodzeez, and Sarajoy got a tea set in a basket. Ruby's gift was really fun. She wanted the entire Harry Potter DVD collection. I was thinking it would be too expensive, but since she wasn't asking for much else I figured I would just get it. Then one day I looked on the Amazon deals, and it was only 24.99! I was pretty excited, and she was excited to get it. Long before Christmas, Nathan had banged up his ukulele and said how much he would like a nicer one. But when Christmas rolled around, he said not to get him anything and spend the money on the kids (love that kid!). I went ahead and got him a nicer ukulele and hid it in plain sight. We have had a really old brown uke for years that doesn't really work very well. It has kind of just been a toy. We have it hanging on a hook in our living room. I took it down and put the new uke up and told Nathan to find his present. I think we had to give him quite a few clues before he found it. So fun! We had some delicious beans cooked with leftover Christmas ham for dinner and made our last minute preparations.
We left for Idaho very early the next morning in order to make it for the Porter Christmas Party. Traditional waffles and soufflé for brunch followed by talent show, minute to win it games, and a gift exchange. We played Joy to the World in 3 parts as a string ensemble. (Plus Dallin on the harmonica!) Brandon took the bass part on the cello, I played the alto on my violin, Daisy and Simon played the melody, and Sarajoy and Sullivan played along to the rhythm, making it up as they went. It was really, really fun! Playing music together has been a highlight of my year and a dream come true that I never thought would happen for our family. I made some ornaments for my sister Amy that have the different names of the Savior on them. I printed some of them off of the internet, but used photoshop to make several of my own that I discovered while doing my Book of Mormon challenge earlier in the year. We gave Brady some disco lights since they have the "party" house. They came in handy for our New Year's Just Dance party. So fun! My sister-in-law Darcie made me a really awesome Logan Temple picture from paper cutouts. Dallin got a drone from Chris. They also gave us a monopoly card game. We were the recipients of the Grinch Bag, the family gag gift that gets passed around. I had made some offhand comment at the Sisters' retreat that I had a childhood dream that someone would sing Lionel Richie's "Ballerina Girl" to me. Kim made my dream come true by having Dallin sing it to me while wearing an amazing black afro. We also got a Rudolph nose and antlers for our car.
We loved staying at Amy and Brady's house again this year. We learned to play monopoly cards and Zeus on the loose. We watched Phineas and Ferb and played I Spy in their awesome look-alike Christmas book. We loved being there for sweet Freya's blessing day and spending some time with Renee's family. For a day or two, the most amazing ice crystals fell from the sky and gathered on our car and the trees. It was really relaxing and fun and hard to pack up and come home.
When we pulled into the driveway on New Year's eve, our good neighbor came right over and invited us to eat and celebrate at their house. What a blessing! To come home to an empty cold house with no food and disappointed kids was not pleasant. We had chosen to come home for the big kids to celebrate with friends and so we would have some time to settle in and take down Christmas before school started again. It was such a great offering that they would let our whole big family come and eat and play for awhile. We played some games and ate great food and came home early enough to settle in for the night. We watched the ball drop in New York and sang some songs and made some noise and threw streamers. I think we watched a movie, too. Good times. We wrapped up our holiday fun by taking everyone to the new Star Wars movie the next day. We all really enjoyed it, though I was glad I had already seen it with Dallin because I think I ran someone to the bathroom at least 3 times. Happy, Happy Holidays!
We've Given Up the Easy Life for the Good Life
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Christmas Treasures
December started off with the Festival of Trees. My dear friend Elisa invited me to go with her to participate in one of her favorite Christmas traditions. This year she needed her husband to stay home with the baby so she invited me and another friend, our midwife Roxanna. The 3 of us enjoyed catching up a little on the hour drive to the event. I was pretty blown away by the amazing trees and displays that people had donated. There was also a display of hundreds of gingerbread houses. It was certainly a festive occasion! A nice dinner was served to all of the patrons and they had gift shops in addition to the trees that were up for auction. I chose something in the gift shop for each of the kids and Elisa surprised us by paying for our things at checkout! What a fun Christmas gift!
We've been saving all our our candy since Halloween for gingerbread houses. We got started by making the dough and cutting the houses for our first family activity for the month. The next week we paired up with a buddy and decorated our houses. They were really fun! I found a pattern for a small house online which turned out to be just right since we were making so many. Sullivan was my buddy. His favorite part was filling the chimney with various candies. It was lots of fun and mess and we loved our little gingerbread village that stayed in our kitchen for the whole season. The big boys were exercising when we called them back upstairs for some pictures, so they thought they'd be funny and not put their shirts back on. Instead they made them into ninja masks. The little boys were enthralled with that idea! Later that night, I stepped out of my room only to find a ninja hovering over my doorway. Simon had climbed the wall with his ninja mask on. He was so excited that he "got" me. Late that night as I went up to bed, I saw 2 little ninjas creeping around their room. It was pretty cute so I pretended I didn't see and let them stay up. (That wasn't happening when they tried again the next night, though.)
We had our ward breakfast that first Friday. The kids were in a little nativity for it. For some reason, Sarajoy wouldn't participate. (I suspect she wanted to be Mary and didn't get the part) After the breakfast, we headed into Payson to a stake center that was hosting a crèche exhibit. It was really lovely.
The next Friday was the golden night to get together with our Spanish Fork friends. Once upon a time we got together with them on an almost monthly basis. Now we are all in the thick of busy life with big kids that makes it really hard to find a night we can all get together. We had tried earlier in the year before I had the baby, and there was not a single night that would work. I was thrilled that we found ONE night in December that worked! It was a happy, happy night for me to have those good people in our home again. We had great food, great conversation, played some games, and ended up visiting the Birds' new house just down the road in Payson. Being with people I love makes the holiday season so much more wonderful!
Time for family pictures. Ugh. Is there any way to make this not stressful? Well, we actually got as close as we possibly could this year. My friend Marcie offered to take them for us at the park just across the street. The picture part was pretty quick and painless, even if it was snowy and cold. She was here for less than an hour. But getting ready is always so stressful! Getting all of the outfits clean and together and just right, then getting everyone dressed and hair done but not so early that it gets messed up--it seems like there was too much to do at the very end. We were 15 minutes late, even though I scheduled it at 3:30pm and worked on it all day! Thanks to Marcie, they turned out amazing! She was so quick at the park where we really were freezing. Then home for a quick outfit change and into the backyard in our Christmas clothes. Nathan started the whole Santa/Elf thing by going with his friends and getting some plush one-piece Santa jammies. I realized the little boys already had Santa jammies from last year and Dallin has had a Santa suit for years. I made a mental note to get a picture of just them sometime during the season. Then I walked into Shopko one day and saw the funnest elf shirts for me and Ruby. They also had the Dollie and Me elf jammies for the 2 younger girls. So I grabbed Brandon some Santa jammies a few days later and we were all set for some sweet North Pole family photos. Dallin and I laughed that we might be qualifying ourselves for some Awkward Family Photos, but they were a lot of fun and turned out great! (And somehow, in the end I ended up digging in dirty laundry to get one set of elf pajamas that I had missed in all of my preparation. sigh.)
Brandon decided to participate with Millenial Choirs and Orchestra this semester. I was really glad he wanted to do it because I have heard such great things about that organization. He had a wonderful experience, and we were excited for his concert. But there were a few obstacles to overcome first. #1: Cost. The tickets were $30 and we were responsible for 10. A little fact in the participation agreement I had overlooked. Thankfully, the grandparents were willing to pay for their own. We took a deep breath and bought the rest and hoped for the best. Obstacle #2: No babies allowed. This would not have been a huge deal if the venue had been closer (over an hour away) or if my older kids didn't all want to come, or if Brandon didn't have to be there 4 hours before the performance started. Thankfully, the neighbors across the street offered to have the kids for the day. I was still really worried about being away from my baby for so long. #3: Sullivan had a fever Sunday night and threw up Monday morning. I was not quite sure how to deal with this little wrinkle in the plan. Amazingly, my neighbor's response was: "Of course you are going anyway, we have dealt with sick kids before." #4: Gigantic snowstorm all day long. Like, 9" by noon and more coming down. Like, over 300 accidents on the interstate along the Wasatch front. We went anyway. We met my parents in Salt Lake City (about 45 minutes later than planned, but alive) and had dinner at Blue Lemon. Then we got to walk around Temple Square and see the lights. They were breathtaking with the inches of newly fallen snow on them. I loved it! I have been trying to create an experience like this for my family for years, and my other 2 attempts had been far from what I had imagined. This was even better. (Though I could have spent more time there). I was very impressed and moved by the performance. It lived up to the price of the tickets and filled my soul! We got home very late. I think I had been away from Corban for 10 hours. ( He has not wanted anything to do with strangers since) He had had a rough time, but was asleep when we got there. Sullivan had not had any problems. They were all well cared for. We were SO grateful!
Nathan's school Christmas program was that week as well. It was really well done and inspiring!
One of my very favorite Christmas treasures was having my cousin Debbie and her family stay with us for a few days. I spent every Christmas of my childhood and a few of my adult life with Debbie's family the Hustons in Arizona. It was so wonderful to have her and her husband and 4 kids here. It felt like it was really Christmas! Her kids luxuriated in the piles of snow in the yard. Dallin and I luxuriated in having Russ and Debbie to talk and joke with for 2 days. Russ luxuriated in playing racquetball in our backyard racquetball court! They were here for the Christmas program in our ward where I sang. I also taught Relief Society that day, and it was fun to have Debbie in class. It was a great way to start off official Christmas break!
We've been saving all our our candy since Halloween for gingerbread houses. We got started by making the dough and cutting the houses for our first family activity for the month. The next week we paired up with a buddy and decorated our houses. They were really fun! I found a pattern for a small house online which turned out to be just right since we were making so many. Sullivan was my buddy. His favorite part was filling the chimney with various candies. It was lots of fun and mess and we loved our little gingerbread village that stayed in our kitchen for the whole season. The big boys were exercising when we called them back upstairs for some pictures, so they thought they'd be funny and not put their shirts back on. Instead they made them into ninja masks. The little boys were enthralled with that idea! Later that night, I stepped out of my room only to find a ninja hovering over my doorway. Simon had climbed the wall with his ninja mask on. He was so excited that he "got" me. Late that night as I went up to bed, I saw 2 little ninjas creeping around their room. It was pretty cute so I pretended I didn't see and let them stay up. (That wasn't happening when they tried again the next night, though.)
We had our ward breakfast that first Friday. The kids were in a little nativity for it. For some reason, Sarajoy wouldn't participate. (I suspect she wanted to be Mary and didn't get the part) After the breakfast, we headed into Payson to a stake center that was hosting a crèche exhibit. It was really lovely.
The next Friday was the golden night to get together with our Spanish Fork friends. Once upon a time we got together with them on an almost monthly basis. Now we are all in the thick of busy life with big kids that makes it really hard to find a night we can all get together. We had tried earlier in the year before I had the baby, and there was not a single night that would work. I was thrilled that we found ONE night in December that worked! It was a happy, happy night for me to have those good people in our home again. We had great food, great conversation, played some games, and ended up visiting the Birds' new house just down the road in Payson. Being with people I love makes the holiday season so much more wonderful!
Time for family pictures. Ugh. Is there any way to make this not stressful? Well, we actually got as close as we possibly could this year. My friend Marcie offered to take them for us at the park just across the street. The picture part was pretty quick and painless, even if it was snowy and cold. She was here for less than an hour. But getting ready is always so stressful! Getting all of the outfits clean and together and just right, then getting everyone dressed and hair done but not so early that it gets messed up--it seems like there was too much to do at the very end. We were 15 minutes late, even though I scheduled it at 3:30pm and worked on it all day! Thanks to Marcie, they turned out amazing! She was so quick at the park where we really were freezing. Then home for a quick outfit change and into the backyard in our Christmas clothes. Nathan started the whole Santa/Elf thing by going with his friends and getting some plush one-piece Santa jammies. I realized the little boys already had Santa jammies from last year and Dallin has had a Santa suit for years. I made a mental note to get a picture of just them sometime during the season. Then I walked into Shopko one day and saw the funnest elf shirts for me and Ruby. They also had the Dollie and Me elf jammies for the 2 younger girls. So I grabbed Brandon some Santa jammies a few days later and we were all set for some sweet North Pole family photos. Dallin and I laughed that we might be qualifying ourselves for some Awkward Family Photos, but they were a lot of fun and turned out great! (And somehow, in the end I ended up digging in dirty laundry to get one set of elf pajamas that I had missed in all of my preparation. sigh.)
Brandon decided to participate with Millenial Choirs and Orchestra this semester. I was really glad he wanted to do it because I have heard such great things about that organization. He had a wonderful experience, and we were excited for his concert. But there were a few obstacles to overcome first. #1: Cost. The tickets were $30 and we were responsible for 10. A little fact in the participation agreement I had overlooked. Thankfully, the grandparents were willing to pay for their own. We took a deep breath and bought the rest and hoped for the best. Obstacle #2: No babies allowed. This would not have been a huge deal if the venue had been closer (over an hour away) or if my older kids didn't all want to come, or if Brandon didn't have to be there 4 hours before the performance started. Thankfully, the neighbors across the street offered to have the kids for the day. I was still really worried about being away from my baby for so long. #3: Sullivan had a fever Sunday night and threw up Monday morning. I was not quite sure how to deal with this little wrinkle in the plan. Amazingly, my neighbor's response was: "Of course you are going anyway, we have dealt with sick kids before." #4: Gigantic snowstorm all day long. Like, 9" by noon and more coming down. Like, over 300 accidents on the interstate along the Wasatch front. We went anyway. We met my parents in Salt Lake City (about 45 minutes later than planned, but alive) and had dinner at Blue Lemon. Then we got to walk around Temple Square and see the lights. They were breathtaking with the inches of newly fallen snow on them. I loved it! I have been trying to create an experience like this for my family for years, and my other 2 attempts had been far from what I had imagined. This was even better. (Though I could have spent more time there). I was very impressed and moved by the performance. It lived up to the price of the tickets and filled my soul! We got home very late. I think I had been away from Corban for 10 hours. ( He has not wanted anything to do with strangers since) He had had a rough time, but was asleep when we got there. Sullivan had not had any problems. They were all well cared for. We were SO grateful!
Nathan's school Christmas program was that week as well. It was really well done and inspiring!
One of my very favorite Christmas treasures was having my cousin Debbie and her family stay with us for a few days. I spent every Christmas of my childhood and a few of my adult life with Debbie's family the Hustons in Arizona. It was so wonderful to have her and her husband and 4 kids here. It felt like it was really Christmas! Her kids luxuriated in the piles of snow in the yard. Dallin and I luxuriated in having Russ and Debbie to talk and joke with for 2 days. Russ luxuriated in playing racquetball in our backyard racquetball court! They were here for the Christmas program in our ward where I sang. I also taught Relief Society that day, and it was fun to have Debbie in class. It was a great way to start off official Christmas break!
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
How It's Been
this post has been milling around in my mind for months. It is hard to describe how life has been since Corban joined us. I'm worried that trying to give words to the hardness will create misunderstanding. I don't want to give people the feeling I am unhappy or that I have any regrets. I want to be a champion for families and I hate to think of people seeing behind the scenes and thinking "that's not for me", or worse, "that's what you get for having so many kids." I feel a lot of pressure to put on a happy face and make it all look perfect.
The reality is, this life of mine is perfect. It is exactly the kind of schooling my person needs to be refined into something better. But it looks kinda messy. It feels like waking up to the impossible every day, every minute. Which means either really exciting or really scary.
The past few years I have deliberately worked to remove fear from my life. Because of this I can honestly say this isn't the hardest time of my life. There have been times that felt heavier than this because I didn't have the spiritual fortitude to keep out the bad guys. But I have certainly felt dragged around and beat up by life in the past 6 months. Waking up to the impossible means I get up and work relentlessly: mentally, physically, and emotionally, and at the end of the day there is so much still left undone, unanswered, or below expectations. I am constantly dealing with so much input and trying to keep track of so much. I'm constantly tempted to let the bad guys in who want me to fall into despair and overwhelm. I'm constantly thinking about ways to improve the management of the household so it will run more smoothly and give me the time and space for things that are missing. It is hard, hard, work that rarely lets up.
It leaves me feeling vulnerable. Being A naturally confident person, this is a new feeling for me. It is hard for me to feel safe in social situations that normally would be no problem. I have to wonder if people understand the intensity of my life and that certain things just aren't a priority for me anymore. And it has been hard to write. I feel so humble and incompetent and, well, just too tired.
The reality is, this life of mine is perfect. It is exactly the kind of schooling my person needs to be refined into something better. But it looks kinda messy. It feels like waking up to the impossible every day, every minute. Which means either really exciting or really scary.
The past few years I have deliberately worked to remove fear from my life. Because of this I can honestly say this isn't the hardest time of my life. There have been times that felt heavier than this because I didn't have the spiritual fortitude to keep out the bad guys. But I have certainly felt dragged around and beat up by life in the past 6 months. Waking up to the impossible means I get up and work relentlessly: mentally, physically, and emotionally, and at the end of the day there is so much still left undone, unanswered, or below expectations. I am constantly dealing with so much input and trying to keep track of so much. I'm constantly tempted to let the bad guys in who want me to fall into despair and overwhelm. I'm constantly thinking about ways to improve the management of the household so it will run more smoothly and give me the time and space for things that are missing. It is hard, hard, work that rarely lets up.
It leaves me feeling vulnerable. Being A naturally confident person, this is a new feeling for me. It is hard for me to feel safe in social situations that normally would be no problem. I have to wonder if people understand the intensity of my life and that certain things just aren't a priority for me anymore. And it has been hard to write. I feel so humble and incompetent and, well, just too tired.
But it has been so refining! If anything could rub off my rough edges this would be it. I appreciate the things that I have learned especially my ever-increasing need to rely upon the Lord. He never fails to come to my aid, not always with answers, but always with peace.
My life is perfectly hard, and perfectly good. By choosing to give life once again and all of the hard things that go along with that choice, I am finding life more abundantly within myself.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
I Need My Mommy!
Before I retire my old phone, I wanted to check for any family history that might be in my text messages. I found this gem to my mom from 11:27pm on October 27.
We had some stuff going on yesterday that I had forgotten and I was incredibly tired.
I got in the car this morning (the car that was totaled in July and we just got it out of the shop a couple of weeks ago) and one of the blinkers wasn't working.
I tried to spend some time with the littles while the big kids were in classes and just felt like nothing was really working out.
Brandon got invited last minute to a 3 day conference with the charter school so I was trying to process what that would mean. They want to use the van for it, etc.
I was getting dinner ready so we could finally watch Cokeville with the kids and the front of my oak drawer fell off and landed in that tender spot at the base of my big toenail.
I'm also trying to coordinate things for a field trip I am in charge of on Friday.
After the movie I start planning my lesson for co-op tomorrow which is always interesting because I usually need to actually read a little bit without interruption and Dal is always at bishopric on Tuesday nights. The kids suddenly remember they have a homework challenge from co-op last week (I'm the teacher who gave the challenge. yeah.). So they are melting down trying to do homework at bedtime when the doorbell rings.
The lady is here to prep Simon for his baptism coming up on Saturday. She informs me that the baptism is 2 hours earlier than I had planned for and texted everyone about, etc. It means I have an extra meal to serve because people are staying for Trick or Treating that night.
I email and text everyone I can think of who is planning to come and sort of finish my co-op lesson while Ruby helps with the baby and keeps asking me if I'm done cause she needs to talk to me.
We finish homework and get kids off to bed. Dallin reads me some texts to a girl from Nathan's phone that are eyebrow raisers. Now Corban is screaming while we drive to Walmart to get supplies for somebody's first female emergency...Yee Haw!
My mom came to the rescue and made 8 pans of funeral sandwiches for the baptism luncheon. What would I do without her???
Thursday, July 2, 2015
What Do I Need?
Sometimes, like today, I think I really need some sleep. When I don't get enough sleep, my mind and body do funny things. Sometimes it scares me.
I felt like I needed to be able to put the baby down long enough to eat. Or use the bathroom. Not even shower. That can always wait.
I needed Dallin. Oh, how I have needed him! He is just not available. I know he wants to be. He is trying so desperately to fit in all the important things of his life. He needs me to be okay, and I am trying so hard not to need him, but I'm afraid its a little like trying not to eat chocolate...
He spent all night last night preparing to take the girls on a campout tonight. Nights with a new baby are so hard for me. I let him sleep, but knowing he is there is still such a comfort. I hate for him to be gone at night. It was hard for me to watch him prepare to leave after a hard night and day with the baby.
He asked me if I was okay. (Ah! Blessed attention!) I said no. We got interrupted by the kids for awhile. He was on his way out the door and put his arms around me. "You're not okay. Tell me more." I got one sentence out about being worried about being alone and feeling neglected when the phone rang. He answered it.
"You've been in an accident?"
Who? I wondered. His brother that he was meeting at the campout? Then I knew. Nathan. I had sent him to pick up Brandon. He was driving Big Blue.
He was okay. Simon was okay. (I didn't even know Simon had gone. It had to be Simon, the only child of ours to have been in an accident before.) I wanted to go to them, but I knew I couldn't. It would take me too long to get the baby ready to go.
So I finished the smoothie I was making for Simon and shared some with Sulley, the only person I could find in the house. We each said a little prayer about our smoothies and I had a little cry during my prayer about the accident.
I cuddled my baby and we went outside where Ruby and Daisy joined us. It was warm and breezy and I thought about our van and that I am glad that if it is totaled it was used for service one last time today. A neighbor used it to take the Activity Day girls to Colonial Days. It wasn't so hard to accept the additional burden this will be financially. Having a teenage driver get in an accident will surely do wonders to our insurance premium. And what will we ever do about the van? Our dream car :) But we were already in a sort of impossible situation, so this makes the miracle that will work things out even bigger, right?
I watched the kitties and Sulley play in the yard and felt the burdens lift. That had been my prayer, that I would know how to share this burden with the Savior. I didn't feel so sorry for myself anymore. I felt happy for my kids being safe, happy that the girls get to camp with their wonderful daddy, happy that I have a velvety soft newborn to smell and cuddle. It will be okay.
Because all we really need is Jesus.
And I know Him.
...
I felt like I needed to be able to put the baby down long enough to eat. Or use the bathroom. Not even shower. That can always wait.
I needed Dallin. Oh, how I have needed him! He is just not available. I know he wants to be. He is trying so desperately to fit in all the important things of his life. He needs me to be okay, and I am trying so hard not to need him, but I'm afraid its a little like trying not to eat chocolate...
He spent all night last night preparing to take the girls on a campout tonight. Nights with a new baby are so hard for me. I let him sleep, but knowing he is there is still such a comfort. I hate for him to be gone at night. It was hard for me to watch him prepare to leave after a hard night and day with the baby.
He asked me if I was okay. (Ah! Blessed attention!) I said no. We got interrupted by the kids for awhile. He was on his way out the door and put his arms around me. "You're not okay. Tell me more." I got one sentence out about being worried about being alone and feeling neglected when the phone rang. He answered it.
"You've been in an accident?"
Who? I wondered. His brother that he was meeting at the campout? Then I knew. Nathan. I had sent him to pick up Brandon. He was driving Big Blue.
He was okay. Simon was okay. (I didn't even know Simon had gone. It had to be Simon, the only child of ours to have been in an accident before.) I wanted to go to them, but I knew I couldn't. It would take me too long to get the baby ready to go.
So I finished the smoothie I was making for Simon and shared some with Sulley, the only person I could find in the house. We each said a little prayer about our smoothies and I had a little cry during my prayer about the accident.
I cuddled my baby and we went outside where Ruby and Daisy joined us. It was warm and breezy and I thought about our van and that I am glad that if it is totaled it was used for service one last time today. A neighbor used it to take the Activity Day girls to Colonial Days. It wasn't so hard to accept the additional burden this will be financially. Having a teenage driver get in an accident will surely do wonders to our insurance premium. And what will we ever do about the van? Our dream car :) But we were already in a sort of impossible situation, so this makes the miracle that will work things out even bigger, right?
I watched the kitties and Sulley play in the yard and felt the burdens lift. That had been my prayer, that I would know how to share this burden with the Savior. I didn't feel so sorry for myself anymore. I felt happy for my kids being safe, happy that the girls get to camp with their wonderful daddy, happy that I have a velvety soft newborn to smell and cuddle. It will be okay.
Because all we really need is Jesus.
And I know Him.
...
Watching an Artist at Work
Sometimes we get to meet people who are truly masters of their craft, and it is a joy to watch them work. It is a privilege to be mentored and served by them.
Since my first experience with a midwife 13 years ago, I have loved midwifery. Since my first experience with natural childbirth and all of my reading and studying over the years, I have felt called to care for women someday. I have been thrilled to know several midwives and to be cared for by some very wonderful women. I have worked with some midwives that I learned a few "what not to do's" from. But I have always admired and enjoyed being around and learning from midwives.
I was blessed with this pregnancy, however, to witness an artist of midwifery. My former and beloved midwife having moved too far away, I needed a new midwife. I had heard that she was good from 3 of my friends, but I had no idea how blessed I would be by her. I had an idea pretty quickly, though.
A typical prenatal: First, I was welcomed into her house and offered some kind of food or drink or both. If the kids were with me, they got hot chocolate. Then I was offered a seat in a comfy recliner. While I poured my heart out, she rubbed my feet. And she was knowledgeable and skilled about reflexology so it was a professional foot rub. We would talk about life, then talk about the pregnancy. She would have good suggestions for vitamins, herbs, or nutrition to help my pregnancy issues, and they were good suggestions! I tribute the many ways this pregnancy was easier to her knowledge and skills and ability to nurture both emotionally and physically.
Another amazing thing about her was how available she was. I felt like I could text her anytime and always get a loving response. And she would come to me if she could, the way she showed up the day after I found out I was having a boy. Our paths crossed frequently because our daughters were in some classes together, and she was as delighted to see me as I her and took a few minutes to check up on me. My kids absolutely loved her and her ability to make a person feel important. She showed up for me again and again and again (Actually 5 times that last week) when I just needed reassurance, and she stayed with me as long as I needed her. And she kept coming those couple of rough weeks after the baby, offering genuine care, concern, advice, and time.
At the birth, she was such a pillar of strength. When Dallin and I watched the birth video, we were both touched by her smiles and nods and quiet encouragement while she carefully and patiently waited for baby and also took care of preparations for the delivery. Then after the birth, she just sat by my bed, smiling and watching over me and the baby. Dallin's comment: "What is she doing? She is just sitting there, watching. That is so comforting that all of her attention is on you." I quite agree. A master at work is not always busy doing. They take time to watch. And smile.
I always feel better after a conversation with her, even if it is just by text. I know she is a person with her own family, trials, and heartaches. It makes me so amazed that she has so much to give and that she gives it so willingly. I know she has grown accustomed to living on little sleep so she can care for her clients and friends. I not only feel better after being around her, I want to BE better. I find myself being more careful with my kids when they come to me with their little troubles. I stop, hug them, look in their eyes and make sure I stay with them until they are ready for me to move on.
Because I know how wonderful it feels to be a grown up and have someone do that for me.
It has been a privilege to be cared for by a master artist.
...
Since my first experience with a midwife 13 years ago, I have loved midwifery. Since my first experience with natural childbirth and all of my reading and studying over the years, I have felt called to care for women someday. I have been thrilled to know several midwives and to be cared for by some very wonderful women. I have worked with some midwives that I learned a few "what not to do's" from. But I have always admired and enjoyed being around and learning from midwives.
I was blessed with this pregnancy, however, to witness an artist of midwifery. My former and beloved midwife having moved too far away, I needed a new midwife. I had heard that she was good from 3 of my friends, but I had no idea how blessed I would be by her. I had an idea pretty quickly, though.
A typical prenatal: First, I was welcomed into her house and offered some kind of food or drink or both. If the kids were with me, they got hot chocolate. Then I was offered a seat in a comfy recliner. While I poured my heart out, she rubbed my feet. And she was knowledgeable and skilled about reflexology so it was a professional foot rub. We would talk about life, then talk about the pregnancy. She would have good suggestions for vitamins, herbs, or nutrition to help my pregnancy issues, and they were good suggestions! I tribute the many ways this pregnancy was easier to her knowledge and skills and ability to nurture both emotionally and physically.
Another amazing thing about her was how available she was. I felt like I could text her anytime and always get a loving response. And she would come to me if she could, the way she showed up the day after I found out I was having a boy. Our paths crossed frequently because our daughters were in some classes together, and she was as delighted to see me as I her and took a few minutes to check up on me. My kids absolutely loved her and her ability to make a person feel important. She showed up for me again and again and again (Actually 5 times that last week) when I just needed reassurance, and she stayed with me as long as I needed her. And she kept coming those couple of rough weeks after the baby, offering genuine care, concern, advice, and time.
At the birth, she was such a pillar of strength. When Dallin and I watched the birth video, we were both touched by her smiles and nods and quiet encouragement while she carefully and patiently waited for baby and also took care of preparations for the delivery. Then after the birth, she just sat by my bed, smiling and watching over me and the baby. Dallin's comment: "What is she doing? She is just sitting there, watching. That is so comforting that all of her attention is on you." I quite agree. A master at work is not always busy doing. They take time to watch. And smile.
I always feel better after a conversation with her, even if it is just by text. I know she is a person with her own family, trials, and heartaches. It makes me so amazed that she has so much to give and that she gives it so willingly. I know she has grown accustomed to living on little sleep so she can care for her clients and friends. I not only feel better after being around her, I want to BE better. I find myself being more careful with my kids when they come to me with their little troubles. I stop, hug them, look in their eyes and make sure I stay with them until they are ready for me to move on.
Because I know how wonderful it feels to be a grown up and have someone do that for me.
It has been a privilege to be cared for by a master artist.
...
Mothered
Now I come to a tribute where my heart just won't fit on paper!
I know what it means to be mothered.
And the older I get, the more I realize what a precious and rare gift that is. I took it for granted that everyone was treated with unconditional love and kindness as a child. I took it for granted that every woman would want her mother near as she gave birth and during the days following. But I know women who have not been mothered, and I ache for them as they bring their babies into the world and struggle to figure it out on their own. Because I have experienced something beautiful and different.
Always I want my mother with me during birth. Strangely, it has not happened that way most of the time. With Nathan, she was running my baby shower! In those pre-cell phone days, it was impossible to let people know that I had gone into labor, so they had the shower without me. She rushed up to the hospital to take some videos of me and the baby to show the ladies at the shower. With Brandon, she was taking care of Nathan. Ruby's she missed just by a little as they had decided to go up to Palmyra for the Hill Cumorah Pageant. They got back into town just after she was born. Daisy was my first home birth, and she was there! Also with Simon she was able to attend. With Sarajoy she had to go home because my dad had an accident with a table saw and she had to be there for his surgery. She was home for less than 24 hours before she turned around and drove back. She got to my house and sat down to read a story to someone and she heard the baby's first cry. Similarly, with Sullivan, she was helping get my little ones out the door with a friend when she heard that cry.
This time, I was determined she would not miss it. And she didn't. I love having her share that most sacred and precious experience with me. This time she helped me get the bed ready, she helped warm water to fill the birth pool, she fed me ice chips and was just there, doing whatever was needed.
But that is how she always is! Somehow when I have a baby, she manages to take care of me, the baby, and my entire household efficiently and cheerfully. My meals are brought to me in bed for as long as I need to stay there, and they are always well prepared and delicious. I'm regularly brought nice things to drink like juice over ice chips, and my water bottle is rarely empty. When I have needed help in the bathroom or shower, she is there supporting me. When I just need a couple of hours of sleep in a row, she will snuggle the baby for me--day or night! When my other kids are stir-crazy or need attention, she reads to them or takes them on an outing. And my big kids don't know what to do because their chores seem to always be done. The laundry is not just clean, but put away! The dishes are always done. She is content to be company for me when I need it, or to just work quietly on her own things so I can rest. She will help me take baby to the doctor or send Dallin and I on an expense-paid date if I am up to it. And when she leaves, my fridge and pantry are always well stocked with food.
And when she leaves, I always cry.
Not because I don't think I can manage without her. She is so careful to leave me well prepared for the transition ahead. But because I am so full of love and awe at her ability to care for me and my family. Because I know how my children will miss her. Because I miss her friendship and love and attention. Because I am inspired by her ability to lose herself in service. Because I wish every woman could be so mothered!
This time I was trying so hard to be brave. I made it through the hugs and the goodbyes and the waving the car off. But as soon as I got back to my room, I had a good cry. I thought I had gotten it out of my system until that night. The house was quiet and the kids were in bed and I crept down to take my vitamins and her place where she'd sat on the couch working was empty and I completely lost it. I realized I slept my time with her away. I needed the sleep, but I didn't get much of a chance to spend time with her like I normally do after a baby. And when I came back to my room bawling, Dallin knew exactly why. He won't ever cry, but I think his heart was bawling too. She mothers her sons-in-law so respectfully that they don't want her to leave either.
It leaves me with a feeling of great responsibility. I know I can never repay that kind of service, but I hope I can be that kind of mother.
I know what it means to be mothered.
And the older I get, the more I realize what a precious and rare gift that is. I took it for granted that everyone was treated with unconditional love and kindness as a child. I took it for granted that every woman would want her mother near as she gave birth and during the days following. But I know women who have not been mothered, and I ache for them as they bring their babies into the world and struggle to figure it out on their own. Because I have experienced something beautiful and different.
Always I want my mother with me during birth. Strangely, it has not happened that way most of the time. With Nathan, she was running my baby shower! In those pre-cell phone days, it was impossible to let people know that I had gone into labor, so they had the shower without me. She rushed up to the hospital to take some videos of me and the baby to show the ladies at the shower. With Brandon, she was taking care of Nathan. Ruby's she missed just by a little as they had decided to go up to Palmyra for the Hill Cumorah Pageant. They got back into town just after she was born. Daisy was my first home birth, and she was there! Also with Simon she was able to attend. With Sarajoy she had to go home because my dad had an accident with a table saw and she had to be there for his surgery. She was home for less than 24 hours before she turned around and drove back. She got to my house and sat down to read a story to someone and she heard the baby's first cry. Similarly, with Sullivan, she was helping get my little ones out the door with a friend when she heard that cry.
This time, I was determined she would not miss it. And she didn't. I love having her share that most sacred and precious experience with me. This time she helped me get the bed ready, she helped warm water to fill the birth pool, she fed me ice chips and was just there, doing whatever was needed.
But that is how she always is! Somehow when I have a baby, she manages to take care of me, the baby, and my entire household efficiently and cheerfully. My meals are brought to me in bed for as long as I need to stay there, and they are always well prepared and delicious. I'm regularly brought nice things to drink like juice over ice chips, and my water bottle is rarely empty. When I have needed help in the bathroom or shower, she is there supporting me. When I just need a couple of hours of sleep in a row, she will snuggle the baby for me--day or night! When my other kids are stir-crazy or need attention, she reads to them or takes them on an outing. And my big kids don't know what to do because their chores seem to always be done. The laundry is not just clean, but put away! The dishes are always done. She is content to be company for me when I need it, or to just work quietly on her own things so I can rest. She will help me take baby to the doctor or send Dallin and I on an expense-paid date if I am up to it. And when she leaves, my fridge and pantry are always well stocked with food.
And when she leaves, I always cry.
Not because I don't think I can manage without her. She is so careful to leave me well prepared for the transition ahead. But because I am so full of love and awe at her ability to care for me and my family. Because I know how my children will miss her. Because I miss her friendship and love and attention. Because I am inspired by her ability to lose herself in service. Because I wish every woman could be so mothered!
This time I was trying so hard to be brave. I made it through the hugs and the goodbyes and the waving the car off. But as soon as I got back to my room, I had a good cry. I thought I had gotten it out of my system until that night. The house was quiet and the kids were in bed and I crept down to take my vitamins and her place where she'd sat on the couch working was empty and I completely lost it. I realized I slept my time with her away. I needed the sleep, but I didn't get much of a chance to spend time with her like I normally do after a baby. And when I came back to my room bawling, Dallin knew exactly why. He won't ever cry, but I think his heart was bawling too. She mothers her sons-in-law so respectfully that they don't want her to leave either.
It leaves me with a feeling of great responsibility. I know I can never repay that kind of service, but I hope I can be that kind of mother.
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