Settling

I feel like I'm finally settling into my new life.  It is a good feeling.
I am amazed at how so many parts of the transition took me by surprise. 
I was not prepared to have to learn how to mother all over again, but that is what it felt like.
I was not prepared to have so many of the things that were working in our home stop.
I feel okay now. 
I still don't think public schooling is the ideal situation for our family, but I can make the best of it and see and enjoy the good parts. 
It is good for Nathan because it has awakened his interest and sense of responsibility for his education.  I am glad to see him interested in what he is learning.  I'm glad to see him so happy with his friends. 
I am a little sad that our family can't provide that excitement for him right now, but I understand.

Is it good for Brandon?  I don't know yet.  He's enjoying it so I'm satisfied with that for now.  He's been doing a great job of getting up early and getting his chores done before school.  I'm glad he's there to watch over his little sisters.

It has been good for Ruby to experience something she didn't really want to do but was willing to give it a try.  She has had to do some assignments she was not really happy about, but she stuck it out.  I'm proud to see her putting so much into the experience.  She is the girl who still gets her chores all done.  She does her homework mostly on her own.  She is excited and interested about the activities going on in her class and in the school.  She really seems to be thriving there.  "Are you enjoying public school?" I asked the other day. 
"Yes", she said with a big smile. 
I jokingly asked if she was ready to do homeschool again and was surprised that her answer was yes. 
Surprised, but happy.  She will most likely be home again after Christmas, and I can see that being a great thing for her.  She is in a stage where she really craves attention from me and wants to learn the womanly arts.  I still feel like there are a lot of unknowns about this situation, but I'm hoping it will work out to have her home.

I have the most mixed feelings about Daisy.  I miss having her home so much.  She is still such a little, playful thing that I'm sad she's not around more to play with the other kids. 
But school IS good for her.  She has made leaps and bounds in her reading skills in just 2 weeks.  She is so excited about the things she is learning.  She has been practicing jump-rope so much that her legs hurt!  I think school is inspiring her in such a good way.  We've finally figured out that other than reading, she only has homework on Mondays.  So Mondays are tough, but after that she can come home and play.  We also adjusted her chore responsibilities.  Now she cheerfully gets all of her chores done before school, and sometimes with a little time to spare.  I'm so glad she can start her days on a successful note.  She loves her teacher and wants to finish out the school year with her.  We'll see!

This is definitely good for my little ones.  They have each other and they have their mommy.  We are figuring out a schedule that works well for all of us.  Sometimes we all miss the big kids, and it is a rough day, but the days are getting better.  We've discovered that if I walk on the treadmill for awhile and then we all go for a walk outside, we have a much, much better day.  They both chatter at me the whole way.  So much of it is nonsense, but I'm glad they feel like they have my attention.  These past few days have been so reminiscent of back when I just had the 2 little boys.  Those were such special times, I'm happy to get to re-live them in a way. 

It is good for me.  It has been good for me to take inventory of my own health a little.  I have tried several things to ease the discomforts of this pregnancy.  Supplements and diet change did not make the difference that I was hoping, but exercise has been miraculous!  I feel like a new person just from doing a little bit of walking.  I'm so thankful to have found an answer.  I think this is the first time in my life that I have actually felt energized by exercise! 
It has also been nice to have a slower pace.  I feel like I have time to fill my reserviors without sacrificing rest.  I usually have a little time to rest after breakfast.  Then I have time to study and write and ponder with occasional interruptions from Simon or Sarajoy.  I don't mind it, though.  It is nice to feel like I have that time.  Then we exercise.  Then we have lunch.  Then I can usually count on them playing for awhile while I do housework or projects or rest. 
Today I did get a little tired of the constant barrage of questions and comments.  Sarajoy is in the phase of saying, "what?" after everything I say.  So I have to repeat everything several times.  But I'm glad I'm not always trying to do 8 other things so I can actually connect with them instead of just being frustrated and impatient. 
I am glad for the mental break I have from the responsibility of teaching.  I think the hardest thing about homeschooling for me was just that weight of responsibility and the feeling that I might be missing something important or not doing it "right".  Because it is not the way I was raised, I found it very tempting to be constantly comparing.  I'd compare with the school kids and get overwhelmed.  I'd compare with the homeschooled kids and get overwhelmed. 
It was always worth it, though.  I still think the benefits far outweigh that hardship, but I am glad for the break.

I hope things will continue to settle into something doable and just right for right now.